Creeptastic

27 Oct

In case you haven’t noticed, I use this blog to help people.  I warn readers about douchey celebrities, dangerous fair foods, and falling prey to working out.   Today’s post is no different.  I come to you with a warning.

I watch a lot of college football on the weekends for a couple of reasons: 1)  I like football, and 2) I like spending time with my husband and usually this is the only way for me to do so on the weekends.  Through the seasons, I’ve noticed a lot of creepy mascots and you need to know about them should you ever find yourself in their creeptastic presence.

Pistol Pete, Oklahoma State

Pistol Pete (pictured above) actually inspired this cautionary post with his huge head, vacant eyes, and gun.  Tell me that you would not crap your pants if you met this man in a dark alley.  He’s scary in the daylight, I can’t imagine coming across him in the dark.  I doubt that he’s a good shot though, you know, since his eyes don’t move.

Bucky Badger, University of Wisconsin

You know what’s creepy?  Take otherwise cute and harmless woodland creatures and turning them into frightening half-animal, half-human mascots like Bucky here.  Plus, Bucky is into disco, what a creeper.

Rooney, Roanoke College

If we’ve learned anything from Bucky, it’s that there is nothing creepier than taking a small animal and supersizing it into a terrifying mascot.  Oh wait, yes there is, take a mean bird and make it 50 times its natural size.  Birds are terrifying, just ask my husband.  He’s totally creeped out by them.   I guess Rooney seems a little harmless, and by harmless I mean lazy.  Get up and elicit some cheers you stupid hawk.  (Photo credit:  Laura Campbell Photography)

The Duke, Duquesne University

The Duke just seems cartoony until he forces drugs on you and pimps you out on the streets of Pittsburgh.  I’m not overreacting, just look at his cane.

Oski the Bear, University of California

Oski kinda looks like Uncle Buck… if Uncle Buck were a creepy, child-molesting bear. Kids, steer clear of Oski’s house this Halloween.

Horned Frog, Texas Christian University

When I was a little Mondoo, I was super scared of Tokka and Rahzar from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles films and upon seeing the Horned Frog from TCU, my mind went screaming back in time and I got a chill.  A creepy chill.

Swoop, University of Utah

Here’s yet another creepy half-animal, half-human mascot.  Even creepier than his scary bird head is Swoop‘s unnecessarily muscular body.  Swoop has obviously been partaking in some HGH.  If I were the University of Utah, I’d require a drug test, stat.   The Utes are currently 6 and 1, you don’t need that kind of controversy messing up your season.

Spidey, University of Richmond

Nothing is creepier than a big, hairy spider so when I found out that the University of Richmond mascot is a SPIDER, I had to check it out and just knew it would be creepy.  Well, while spiders are creepy, Spidey is just kinda sad looking. The poor thing isn’t intimidating at all.  His outfit looks like a Halloween costume that you can buy at Kmart.

Billiken, Saint Louis University

Do you know what a Billiken is?  Me neither.  But according to this picture, he is a scary, white devil who dresses like Mister Rogers.  In short, creepy.

Saluki, Southern Illinois University

Congratulations SLU, you’ve done it, you have the creepiest mascot in the history of mascots.  Ladies and gentlemen, meet Saluki, try not to stare too long though, he will steal your soul.

6 Responses to “Creeptastic”

  1. Sarah October 27, 2009 at 1:23 pm #

    As an Oklahoman, though admittedly a Sooner fan, I whole-heartedly agree with your comments about Pistol Pete. He’s easily the biggest creepster I’ve ever seen in life and provided me with one of my more traumatic childhood memories.

    I moved to Oklahoma during elementary school and went to OSU for an academic meet or something. They were having all the students from the different schools take a picture with him. As I was the only child from my small private school, some bossy woman with a camera decided I should sit in Pistol Pete’s lap because it would be cute — as if anything with that guy in it could be cute! Despite my serious protest, I received a lovely polaroid of me sobbing miserably on the lap of Pistol Pete. Oh how I wish I could find that picture now!

  2. sumshel October 28, 2009 at 11:01 am #

    that picture is probably in your attic, put there by the demon that is following you

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