No, I’m sorry Mondoo, I have no job for you. But I was thinking about what could be better to say to a smart, capable, unemployed, sassy lady than “that sucks,” and that’s what I came up with. But in the spirit of looking for work, here are some jobs I would not like:
Longshoreman – although young Marlon Brando made it look pretty exciting in On the Waterfront
High School Gym Teacher – because being weird and manly is a strict requirement
Abercrombie Clerk – because you’d smell like that store all the time
Roustabout – no just kidding, that would be awesome, I just wanted to say roustabout
Guy Who Had to Escort Kanye West Out of the VMAs Last Night – How could Kanye be so heartless?? What did Taylor Swift ever do to him? I’m sure Mondoo has something to say about this because she dislikes Taylor. I think the song about how she wants the guy but she wears t-shirts and sneakers and sits on the bleachers is kind of misleading but I like the one about Romeo and Juliet. And she was dumped by a Jonas brother over the phone for Miley Cyrus, right? That must have hurt as bad as when Joel Madden left Hilary Duff and then had oddly named babies with Nicole Richie.
Speaking of, here is a job that I would like:
Celebrity Baby Namer – I would be so great at this job, and I’m sure the pay is good. Here are some freebies: Rocket, Mallomar, Train, Boa. Spread the word, celebrity baby namer for hire.