Let me just say that I LOVE being married. This edition of Love/Hate is not a platform for me to complain about being married. But there are a few things that make marriage a little annoying. But let me just say, the Loves on this list and beyond far outweigh the annoyances. I do promise that the Loves aren’t mushy, so read on.
1) Two people, two desserts. When it comes time for the critical decision during a nice evening out, it is so important that you be married. Why? Because it automatically means that you get to try two desserts. You order one, the spouse orders a different one and suddenly, you are enjoying two different sugary concoctions. It’s so magical.
2) You always have plans for date night. Every weekend like clockwork, I have a date and it’s always lovely. Good conversation, excellent meal, and at the end, I know where I’m going; home with my date, because we live together.
3) Someone always laughs at your jokes. I always say that being with my husband has made me a funnier person, mainly because he’s hilarious and his good humor has rubbed off on me. But I also think that it’s because when you’re married, someone is obligated to laugh at all of your jokes. No really, he even laughs at my horrible jokes. I mean, he laughs and then tells me how horrible it was, but he laughs anyway. Good man.
4) I don’t have to clean the bathroom. I don’t mind cleaning but I do hate cleaning the bathroom. The idea of what goes on in there and then you have to clean it, skeeves me out. But then I got married and made a deal with my husband. I’ll do all the other cleaning if you clean the bathrooms and that sucker totally accepted my offer. Now he’s stuck cleaning the bathrooms forever. Mwhahahahaha!
5) Oh man, he is good looking. Ok I know that I said that I wouldn’t get all sappy but, I just couldn’t help myself. Being married means that I get to stare at his handsome face all the time. I’m a lucky duck. If this blog weren’t quasi-anonymous, I’d post a pic. But for now, I Googled handsome and this is the first picture that comes up on image search. Patrick Dempsey is the second image.
1) “Talk to me.” This is a phrase that I often hear from my husband as we’re riding in the car on a long trip. It doesn’t matter if I’m reading, listening to the radio, or just want to take a nap. My husband wants me to talk to him. About what??? We’re trapped in the car and have been for hours. There isn’t anything new. And besides, I use all of my interesting talking points in this blog.
2) He makes me shave his neck. Yes, if you are a loyal reader to this blog, you’d already read about this bi-weekly activity (Oh Bother- Part 1) that as a wife I’m obligated to perform. Ugh, I know that he can’t physically shave his own neck but it still grosses me out.
3) He leaves me every day to go to work. The hubs and I have so much more fun when we’re together. The weekends are the best, we hang out, do fun things; I don’t understand why he has to go to work during the week and ruin a good thing. Oh wait, that’s right, because I’m unemployed and someone needs to earn some moola.
4) His voice of reason… when it comes to donuts. I love donuts. And pastries. And ice cream. All desserts really and sometimes (each night) I want to go out and get some sweets. The husband always says no, to which I reply “I miss the fat you.” You see, my husband used to be chubby and so much more fun. We’d go to Sheetz at 11pm and buy some nachos grande or drive 20 minutes to get some Krispy Kreme, but no, not now. He’s thin and fit and no fun.
5) Cynics. Because I’m happily married, I have to deal with single cynics constantly. Sometimes I don’t even have to be gushing about my husband but simply mention date night and I’m met with so much hate it’s unbelievable. “That’ll change.” “Oh gag me.” “You’re so happy it makes me sick.” Listen here, singles (and some of you who are even in relationships and obviously just jealous), I don’t get on your case for being alone so don’t get on mine for being married. Deal?