Food for Thought

5 Oct

Sometimes I eat things that I don’t particularly enjoy, but I eat them because practicality and convention make me in order to get to the things that I love to eat. For example, the outside of cinnamon rolls are a big waste of time. I love the middle, all warm and soft and gooey, but the outside is hard and offensive and not covered in sugary goodness. Similarly, the bottoms of muffins annoy me. They’re all crumbly and bitter like bread crust, while the tops are pleasantly shiny and slightly sticky with the perfect soft consistency. Moving on from pastries, spaghetti is another thing that I can dismiss. I eat a ton of spaghetti, but that’s because I love tomato sauce and parmesan cheese so much. Spaghetti itself is just a bland little sauce car that fills me up and keeps me from eating more sauce with cheese. Sometimes the insides of french-fries bug me because they take away from the crispy fried outside. This is harder to complain about because you can’t really fry the inside of the fry without ruining the outside, so I’ll let it go. But don’t try to give me any of those giant steak fries—the fried area to mushy potato ratio is way off! I also don’t like it when people dip fruit in chocolate and I have to bite off the chocolate and throw away the fruit.

That’s one thing that people think is kind of odd about me, I don’t really like fruit. There are some unoffending fruits like bananas foster, banana runts, strawberry-banana smoothies and pumpkin pancakes, oh! and custard apples—have you heard of those? They are fruit that taste like pudding. But most I could do without. Cobbler, pie, crisps and turnovers would be perfectly fine desserts if it weren’t for all the sour fruit gunking them up. This is an aggravation I’ve had since I was little. I used to hate it when I got fruit as a snack or dessert. What a rip off! The worst is when people say that fruit is “nature’s candy.” Chocolate is nature’s candy. Don’t pretend like some squishy bitter piece of healthy fruit is cooler candy than chocolate. Nature doesn’t need your lies.

While I’m on the subject, I’d like to point out that technically, fruits are anything with its seeds on the inside. The age-old query of whether a tomato is a fruit or a vegetable is no longer: it’s a fruit. And so are squash, eggplant, peas and cucumber. Did that blow your mind? When I talk about disliking fruit, I don’t mean all those that are “tasty in salads”—which is the culinary definition of a vegetable—I mean the fruits that are commonly found in what would be yummy dessert, if it weren’t for all the gross fruit.

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7 Responses to “Food for Thought”

  1. Beefer October 5, 2009 at 1:12 pm #

    See Nix v. Hedden, 149 U.S. 304 (1983) (“The passages cited from the dictionaries define the word ‘fruit’ as the seed of plants, or that part of plants which contains the seed, and especially the juicy, pulpy products of certain plants, covering and containing the seed. These definitions have no tendency to show that tomatoes are ‘fruit,’ as distinguished from ‘vegetables,’ in common speech, or within the meaning of the tariff act.”)

    • Beefer October 5, 2009 at 1:13 pm #

      Tomato a fruit? Technically, maybe. Legally, NO.

  2. c.s. October 6, 2009 at 12:33 am #

    This is why i love you. however, what do you think of pumpkin pie? fruit + pie crust? but oh soooo good.

    • 141characters October 6, 2009 at 6:44 am #

      hehe, yes, pumpkin pie falls under the acceptable fruit category–made even more acceptable covered in ice cream… mmm. I miss eating with you! (Especially heating up big bowls of spaghetti sauce and dipping bread in it)

  3. Lauren October 15, 2009 at 11:03 pm #

    wonderful

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Festival Foods- Not Fair, FABULOUS! « 141characters - October 6, 2009

    […] 6, 2009 · Leave a Comment I love food.  Needless to say, when I read G’s post Food for Thought, my mouth started watering and I began thinking about my own taste bud adventures.  My taste buds […]

  2. Love/Hate: Valentine’s Day « 141characters - February 12, 2010

    […] those assorted chocolates are really gross.  Especially the ones that have liquid fruit in them (I know that Vitamin G is with me on this one).  Blech!  My favorite though, hands down, vanilla […]

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