I love food. Needless to say, when I read G’s post Food for Thought, my mouth started watering and I began thinking about my own taste bud adventures. My taste buds are never as jazzed as when I am at a festival or fair, like this past weekend at the West Virginia Pumpkin Festival. I don’t want to toot my own horn, but TOOT TOOT, I’m pretty adept at the consumption of fair foods and I’m here to share my wisdom with you. Therefore, I present, for your reading pleasure, Fair Food Superlatives!
Most Dangerous: Deep Fried Oreos.
One fateful day in years past, my husband and I ventured to the Salem Fair, just outside of Roanoke, VA. We found that this excursion was not only an adventure for our taste buds but for our eyes as well. I’ve never seen so many people walking around with bare feet. Having already eaten dinner, we decided to partake in some fair desserts, I with a funnel cake, he with some deep fried Oreos (DFOs). Slowly but surely, my husband attacked the DFOs one at a time. The first DFO was glorious. Funnel cake on the outside, melty, warm Oreo on the inside. The second and third went down a little more slowly but were still pretty tasty. The husband looked into his paper bag; alas, three DFOs remained, swimming in a sea of powdered sugar. Determined to get his monies worth, my husband grabbed the top of the bag and shook, dusting the DFOs one last time in powdered sugar and devoured the final three. Within minutes, husband stated that we “had to go” and we headed home (without paying a quarter to see the world’s smallest horse, mind you, although we did pay 50 cents to see the world’s largest, it was just a knock off Clydesdale, if you ever find yourself in a similar situation, save your quarters). I’ve never seen my husband so ill. He was ghostly pale and shaking. I did the only logical thing that I could think of; I demanded that he drink a glass of milk and lay down. Thankfully, my husband recovered from this near fatal fair food disaster and today I share it with you so that you never make the same mistake.
Most User-Friendly: Taco in a Bag.
Until this past weekend at the West Virginia Pumpkin Festival, I had never heard of this extremely portable fair food. I think that it’s even more awesome because it comes in a Doritos bag. Doritos are the shiz. I don’t know that I’d actually pay for this fair food though but plenty of people do because plenty of people love novelty items.
Cheapest but Equally Delicious: Corn Dogs.
$2. That’s all you need to enjoy the magnificence of a corn dog. As a kid, I feel like we had corn dogs for lunch all the time but they never taste as good as they do at a festival, all deep fried and what not. Squirt some mustard on it and you’re good to go. It easily gives Taco in a Bag a run for its money in the Most User-Friendly category, but for now, it remains the most affordable and delicious food at the fair.
Most Creative Use of a Potato: Ribbon Fries.
This video pretty much explains it all. Top with season salt or cheese whiz for ultimate tasting pleasure.
Most Versatile: Various dough products cooked in oil… Fried Dough, Funnel Cakes, Elephant Ears, Donuts, etc.
They are all basically the same and all basically delicious. It’s funny how you take something so simple like dough, fry it, and then cover it in powdered sugar, cinnamon sugar, or icing and magically it melts in your mouth. I mean, why waste dough and make something nutritious like bread.
Most Likely to Brighten Your Day: Poorman’s Caramel Apple.
I realize that many of you probably haven’t experienced this little treasure unless you’ve ventured to Clarion, PA’s Autumn Leaf Festival. I’ll enlighten you. It starts with a waffle bowl, continues with sliced apples drizzled with caramel, a heaping scoop of vanilla ice cream covered in chocolate sauce and toppings of your choice (toppings galore are available; anything from crushed Oreos to candied almonds to M&Ms to wet nuts, haha, wet nuts) and topped off with a maraschino cherry and a wafer stick. In short, heaven in a bowl.
Most Likely to Quench Your Thirst: Freshly Squeezed Lemonade.
Who can pass up freshly squeezed lemonade at a fair? I mean, really. It’s the best and I don’t care how much it costs compared to pop or water. And I always opt for the large. And everyone knows that the best lemonade is sold from giant lemons.
Most Likely to Succeed… at making me fat: All of the above. When it comes to Mondoo and fair foods, I’m very much like a dog. I have no concept of what it means to be full. And if you keep putting food in front of me, I’ll keep eating it.