Vampires. Do Not Want.

13 Oct

Vampires have always been present on television, in our breakfast bowls, and even in sports.  But lately, vampires have inundated pop culture and I’m not pleased.  I guess more than anything, I don’t understand it.  Why vampires?  Oh, that’s right.  Because of the Twilight series.  And because people in Hollywood can’t come up with their own ideas, they just capitalize on ideas that are already out there and popular (No, I’m serious, not only do they steal ideas from literature, they also remake movies that they just made a few years ago.  Don’t believe me?  Check out Hulk (2003) and The Incredible Hulk (2008)).

So, thank you, Stephanie Meyer for starting this terrifying trend that I cannot escape.

For example, I turn on the TV and what do I see?  Vampire shows.  True Blood on HBO, The Vampire Diaries on The CW.  I go to the movies and what previews do I see?  Movies about vampires.  Scary looking ones, too.  Have you ever imagined a world overtaken by vampires?  Then Daybreakers might be for you.  Or how about a movie that combines vampires and a freak show?  The Vampire’s Assistant is sure to intrigue most and further traumatize Vitamin G.  I mean, what is scarier than combining vampires AND the circus?

Above all, I think the most terrifying aspect of this vampire onslaught has been its affect on our youth.  The young men and women of the world now find these vampire-looking people attractive:

[picapp src=”2/f/7/5/7th_Annual_Teen_a058.jpg?adImageId=6054647&imageId=6620539″ width=”234″ height=”338″ /]

[picapp src=”1/7/b/7/2009_MTV_Movie_07b3.JPG?adImageId=6055058&imageId=5379635″ width=”234″ height=”351″ /]

[picapp src=”c/5/8/c/Teen_Choice_Awards_1c33.jpg?adImageId=6055146&imageId=5955285″ width=”234″ height=”352″ /]

Dear young adults of the world, people with pointy features, vacant eyes, pouty lips, and moppy hair ARE NOT attractive.  Neither are vampires.  They are monsters.  Do yourself a favor and find a clean cut mortal to fall in love with.  Did you know that Taylor Lautner (top) was actually chosen for his Twilight role because he most resembled a werewolf?  Werewolves are unattractive, too.

What do vampires and this most recent trend have in common?  The both suck.  Hahaha, I’m hilarious.


6 Responses to “Vampires. Do Not Want.”

  1. Kristina October 13, 2009 at 3:24 pm #

    such a hater….

    p.s. I’m telling you… read Twilight – you’ll like it. I can do without Taylor and Rob, but love me some Jacob and Edward! 🙂

    And when JNette reads this, she will totally agree!

  2. Jeannette October 13, 2009 at 3:42 pm #

    AMANDA read the books, granted the movies do not do justice to the books and there is an obnoxious vampire craze but as a fellow English major, I encourage it. They are well written and will get you all excited and — well OMG they are GREAT. I concur with Kristina – but Edward is THE BEST he is like the bf everyone wants – no joke.
    Amanda – seriously I know you don’t want to give in, but read twilight through chapter 13, you’ll have to continue knowing Eclipse is THE best – even Kristina likes them!!

    PS Thanks for sending this to me KROSE!

    PPS: “Mondoo” I love your blog in general and I made my boyfriend read it the other day – he thinks you’re hilarious!


  3. Matt May October 13, 2009 at 4:58 pm #

    I’m totally with you on all of Hollywood and TV jumping on the vampire bandwagon — it is really annoying. Personally (and most likely because I’m male), I can’t stand the Twilight Saga, but I do watch True Blood (although the 2nd Season was complete let down in my opinion).

    Anyway, here is the upside to all vampire hype for me. Being pale, once so heavily frowned upon, is now cool. Since I’m a German, French, Dutch, and Irish mutt — meaning the sun will never be my friend — my pale white skin is now totally in style. So while I will always thing glimmering Vampires playing baseball is the lamest thing I’ve ever read, heard, or seen . . . I am grateful the Twilight (and the Vampire Bandwagon) has made ivory skin the height of fashion.


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