Point/Counterpoint: Vampires

19 Oct

In the spirit of Halloween and senseless contention, I thought I’d take a minute to post a response to Mondoo’s “Vampires.  Do Not Want,” just for fun.  I understand her concerns about the influx of vampires into pop culture and she’s absolutely spot-on that the combination of vampires and freak show in the new movie The Vampire’s Assistant is enough to make me never want to sleep alone, but I want to address the other side of the coin and represent those who, like me, think vampires are kind of great.


Take Dracula, for instance.  You have to be pretty impressive to become a count; they don’t just give that title out to anyone.  I don’t know much about his back story, but it must have involved owning lots of land, servicing the queen, or whatever it was people did back then to get “counted.”  And surely there was a Countess Dracula at some point.  Who would turn down a sharp dressing count that owns his own castle and parties all night?

We also have in the historical category Nosferatu.  I can’t be dishonest here and say that I’d rather be watching this silent black and white choppy 1920s German film than say, Dumb and Dumber, or even whatever Charlie Chaplin was doing right around the same time, but I do recognize that it was an impressive accomplishment for its time.  And at a time when every movie made was the “first ___ movie ever,” a movie about vampires managed to get made before movies about dogs that play sports or babies that talk like adults.

Also, historically and currently, it cannot be denied that vampires are the most attractive and charming supernatural villains.  Just put anyone from the cast of Interview With a Vampire, Blade or Buffy the Vampire Slayer up against any zombie, witch, gremlin, ogre or werewolf at a date auction.  I would even bid on a vampire before bidding on some fully human villains like Bowl Cut from No Country for Old Men, because at least then I could enjoy a glass of wine and good conversation about what life was like in the 1700s before I met my end.

I admit that I haven’t read the Twilight series or seen True Blood or the Vampire Diaries, or the next new dark moody vampire phenomenon of the mainstream, but I know they’re better than all those fake reality shows about really rich kids without parents running around big cities in shoes that cost more than my education.

Finally, with such lovable characters from childhood like Count von Count, Count Chocula, Count Duckula and Quackula (not related), it’s apparent that vampires have more of a mission in the world than to be angsty and drink blood.  Many have overcome the typecasting and become effective role models like math teachers, cereal peddlers and cartoon ducks.  In short, Vampires: Ok with me.


2 Responses to “Point/Counterpoint: Vampires”

  1. C.S. October 20, 2009 at 11:22 pm #

    i *love* vampires. And you know Dracula was Hungarian right? Vampires are not just attractive, but downright sexy… when I was in middle school I read the Vampire Diaries and it was god damned raunchy!!!

    • Beefer October 21, 2009 at 10:34 pm #

      Vampires are not half as sexy as werewolves. Rob Pattinson is no Teen Wolf-era Michael J. Fox. Also, vampires are pale and clammy. Werewolves are covered in body hair. I know which one the proprietors of this blog prefer.

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