In case you haven’t noticed, I use this blog to help people. I warn readers about douchey celebrities, dangerous fair foods, and falling prey to working out. Today’s post is no different. I come to you with a warning.
I watch a lot of college football on the weekends for a couple of reasons: 1) I like football, and 2) I like spending time with my husband and usually this is the only way for me to do so on the weekends. Through the seasons, I’ve noticed a lot of creepy mascots and you need to know about them should you ever find yourself in their creeptastic presence.
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Pistol Pete, Oklahoma State
Pistol Pete (pictured above) actually inspired this cautionary post with his huge head, vacant eyes, and gun. Tell me that you would not crap your pants if you met this man in a dark alley. He’s scary in the daylight, I can’t imagine coming across him in the dark. I doubt that he’s a good shot though, you know, since his eyes don’t move.
Bucky Badger, University of Wisconsin
You know what’s creepy? Take otherwise cute and harmless woodland creatures and turning them into frightening half-animal, half-human mascots like Bucky here. Plus, Bucky is into disco, what a creeper.
Rooney, Roanoke College
If we’ve learned anything from Bucky, it’s that there is nothing creepier than taking a small animal and supersizing it into a terrifying mascot. Oh wait, yes there is, take a mean bird and make it 50 times its natural size. Birds are terrifying, just ask my husband. He’s totally creeped out by them. I guess Rooney seems a little harmless, and by harmless I mean lazy. Get up and elicit some cheers you stupid hawk. (Photo credit: Laura Campbell Photography)
The Duke, Duquesne University
The Duke just seems cartoony until he forces drugs on you and pimps you out on the streets of Pittsburgh. I’m not overreacting, just look at his cane.
Oski the Bear, University of California
Horned Frog, Texas Christian University
When I was a little Mondoo, I was super scared of Tokka and Rahzar from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles films and upon seeing the Horned Frog from TCU, my mind went screaming back in time and I got a chill. A creepy chill.
Swoop, University of Utah
Here’s yet another creepy half-animal, half-human mascot. Even creepier than his scary bird head is Swoop‘s unnecessarily muscular body. Swoop has obviously been partaking in some HGH. If I were the University of Utah, I’d require a drug test, stat. The Utes are currently 6 and 1, you don’t need that kind of controversy messing up your season.
Spidey, University of Richmond
Nothing is creepier than a big, hairy spider so when I found out that the University of Richmond mascot is a SPIDER, I had to check it out and just knew it would be creepy. Well, while spiders are creepy, Spidey is just kinda sad looking. The poor thing isn’t intimidating at all. His outfit looks like a Halloween costume that you can buy at Kmart.
Billiken, Saint Louis University
Saluki, Southern Illinois University
Congratulations SLU, you’ve done it, you have the creepiest mascot in the history of mascots. Ladies and gentlemen, meet Saluki, try not to stare too long though, he will steal your soul.