Bears on Ice

2 Nov

BEAR

Last week an ice skating Russian circus bear ate his trainer during a rehearsal for “Bears on Ice.”  Here’s an idea Russia, stay away from bears.  Remember last year when bears besieged a platinum mine and ate two miners?  Yeah, and then the rest of the miners refused to go back to work because BEARS ATE THEIR FRIENDS?  That was tragic but it offered a lesson to be learned, which apparently wasn’t learned at all.  And that lesson is do not mess around with bears, Russia.  I’m not sure if it’s because Russia’s bears are tired of being the symbol of the nation with so little accompanying gratitude, or if I’m just used to our bears who innocuously (and rather cutely) munch on honey and snatch pic-a-nic baskets.   I suppose those Alaskan bears did eat the Grizzly Man, but they probably came over from Russia.  Anyhow, Russian bears are not to be trifled with and they are letting the world know one mauling at a time.

Why is Russia training bears to ice skate anyway?  That just screams bad idea.  I love a good circus, but the kind where people are doing tricks and animals are doing animal things, the extent of their stunts being standing up on their hind legs and not eating any humans.  I’m fairly certain if we started making circus lions and elephants tap dance or play piano they wouldn’t stand much longer for being dressed up in sequins and paraded about all the time.

Is Russia is so advanced in circusry that they have to push the envelope and training bears is their way of taking it to the next level in the realm of global competition?  First Sputnik, then the Supercomputer, and now ice skating bears.  In that case, well done Russia, you’ve hit the target.  Teaching bears to ice skate and tightrope walk truly is the future of both ice skating and bears.  We really can’t compare this time.  We’ll just back away slowly and shamefully back to the US where we teach people to ice skate and avoid bears like the outdated jokers we are.

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5 Responses to “Bears on Ice”

  1. sumshel November 2, 2009 at 4:41 pm #

    i have ‘bear fever.’ symptoms: wanting to start my winter hibernation and eating lots and lots of salmon. also referring to my bedroom as a den.

  2. mrs zack morris November 2, 2009 at 4:51 pm #

    Actually Russia is SO behind the trend on wacky animals taking their agression out on people. Recently, a worker at the zoo in Pittsburgh had their thumb bitten by a rhino. And before that a golfer in one of the Carolinas had his hand bitten off by an alligator. And do I even need to mention Roy Horn?!
    Nice try, Russia, but you are SO behind the times. America has the monopoly on angry animals.

  3. Dave Shorr November 5, 2009 at 1:33 am #

    Mr. Yeltsen, tear down this bear!

  4. mrs zack morris November 5, 2009 at 11:45 am #

    What America does NOT have the monopoly on, however, is creepy looking bears – Germany takes the cake on that front.
    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1225042/Germanys-bald-bears-Fur-disease-afflicts-Dolores-baffles-vets.html

    • 141characters November 5, 2009 at 7:29 pm #

      Whoa. That picture was terrifying. Nightmares forever.

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