Fat Chance

11 Nov

It looks like America’s obesity crisis brings with it a wave of new crime.  Thanks to Big Beefer for bringing this article to my attention.  A local man was arrested after the police found drugs hidden in the folds of his fat man-breasts.  This guy lost in so many ways that night, it’s hard to sort them out.  Mainly, his saggy pecs were fat enough to store things under.  This is a problem, men.  Also, his story is not nearly as impressive as this guy’s, who hid a gun in his flesh flabs along with a snickers and a whole ham.  These cases are why I could never be a police officer.  I wouldn’t reach my hand in your sweaty rolls to pull out Al Capone himself.  However, hefty criminals thank me later, I’ve come up with some alternative hiding places for your contraband.

–       Between chins

–       Underarms

–       Inner ear

–       Anywhere underneath you (only works if you cannot be lifted)

–       Give it to a friend who can run away


One Response to “Fat Chance”

  1. C.S. November 12, 2009 at 1:40 am #

    How about this: http://abcnews.go.com/Health/WellnessNews/wireStory?id=8892172

    Yeah, so if you’re a heffer, and you get robbed or beat up by one of those heffer criminals, what a shitty day when you have to pay extra to take a ride in the ambulance….

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