It looks like America’s obesity crisis brings with it a wave of new crime. Thanks to Big Beefer for bringing this article to my attention. A local man was arrested after the police found drugs hidden in the folds of his fat man-breasts. This guy lost in so many ways that night, it’s hard to sort them out. Mainly, his saggy pecs were fat enough to store things under. This is a problem, men. Also, his story is not nearly as impressive as this guy’s, who hid a gun in his flesh flabs along with a snickers and a whole ham. These cases are why I could never be a police officer. I wouldn’t reach my hand in your sweaty rolls to pull out Al Capone himself. However, hefty criminals thank me later, I’ve come up with some alternative hiding places for your contraband.
– Between chins
– Inner ear
– Anywhere underneath you (only works if you cannot be lifted)
– Give it to a friend who can run away