My sisters and I used to tease and make fun of each other mercilessly as children, but the second someone else made a crack about one of them, I was the first to spring to their defense and vice versa. You know why? Because you can make fun of your family all you want, but in the very instant that someone else does it becomes totally unacceptable. Downright hateful. You don’t mess with someone’s family. Guess what else you don’t mess with? Someone’s home. Well, unless you live in a big state like Pennsylvania where the east and west are drastically different. The east does have Philadelphia after all and we all know what kinds of people live in Philly.
I’ll be honest, I’ve only lived in West Virginia for six months now and I’m already tired of hearing the West Virginia jokes. No, I haven’t met anyone married to his or her cousin. In fact, in a quick (and I’m sure, statistically correct) Google search, it seems that Alaska and Alabama are fighting it out to be the leading state with the most incest, so there.
Perhaps the biggest offenders of these snide comments about West Virginia come from members of my own family. I hate to break it to you but where I live now is no different from where I grew up and where you currently live, family. Case in point: this guy.
And to the rest of you, friends and those I’m moderately acquainted with on Facebook, I urge you to visit these two remarkable sites: http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/ and http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/. I know it’s hard to believe but weird and trashy people live all over the country and these two websites prove it. They aren’t all uncomfortably condensed in West Virginia.
Ok, ok, so there are some oddball things that I have discovered about West Virginia and if you make fun of the following, I’ll have to agree with you, but that’s where it ends, ok?
The accent: I lived in Virginia for three years prior to moving to West Virginia, I’m familiar with a southern accent, but for those of you who live outside of the Mountain State, let me tell you, this accent is unlike any other that I’ve heard of in my life. Imagine an interesting combination of a Pittsburghese accent, southern accent, and someone speaking with a huge amount of chaw in their mouth and this is the West Virginia accent. To be honest, most people I know don’t have this accent but enough people around here do which makes some encounters especially straining to the ears.
Feral dogs: If you’re in the market for a mangy, emaciated dog, come to West Virginia because they are all over the place. Along the highway? Check! Roaming the city streets? Check! Right here in my very own neighborhood preventing me from taking a safe walk in the morning? Check! West Virginia needs to hire those two fake dog catchers from Beethoven to help combat this problem.
Abandoned cars: If there’s one thing that rivals feral dogs along side of the highway, it’s abandoned cars. I don’t know why so many cars break down along the highway in West Virginia but they do and they stay there for days on end. I guess it’s better than putting it up on blocks in your front yard.
All kidding aside, living in West Virginia isn’t so bad. We have arts and entertainment, fairs and festivals, fab local restaurants, reasonable temperatures, a kick-butt farmer’s market, and homemade ice cream. I could go on and on about why this place isn’t so bad but apparently these people have already done it, so just check out their site.