Love/Hate: The 80s

20 Nov

Our friends are having an 80s-themed birthday party this weekend and this event has inspired this week’s edition of Love/Hate.  For the record, I must say that I’m most excited about attending a party in an oversized-sweatshirt and feathering my bangs again.

Love:

1)  My birth. Ah, yes, what a great decade.  The decade that brought you Mondoo.  Without the 80s and my miraculous birth, what blog would you read every day?

2)  The movies. If you’ve read my post Rewind then you know all about my affection for 80s movies.  There were so many cinematic gems, no, classics, brought to us in the 80s:  Beetlejuice, ET, Star Wars V and VI, THREE Indiana Jones movies, Ghostbusters, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, The Breakfast Club, The Karate Kid; I could go on.  They really don’t make movies like that anymore.  They tried to make another Indiana Jones movie this decade and it totally blew.  Although, I must admit, I did see it twice in the theater.  I went the second time because my ticket was free and I really wanted some popcorn.  They had serve your own butter!  The key to serve your own butter is asking them to fill it up halfway, you saturate the middle with butter, and then you return the counter, they fill it up the rest of the way, and then you saturate the top with butter.  Halfway through the bag:  a buttery surprise!

3)  Legwarmers. I think that legwarmers are fantastic for a number of reasons.  1)  I get cold easily and anything that is constructed to warm me is welcomed.  2)  Legwarmers were (and as I discovered shopping for 80s costume supplies, still are) sold in a variety of colors and styles allowing you to match to any shade of neon, any pair of leggings, and any kind of brightly colored eye shadow that you wanted to wear that day.  3)  In a word:  Cankles.  Yes, I have cankles and I’m so very bitter about it.  Legwarmers help me to conceal this travesty and for that, I love them and the 80s.

4)  80s slang. Do we even have slang now in the 2000s?  Maybe I’m just getting old but I don’t think that we do.  I make up my own slang all the time but it usually doesn’t have the same world-wide appeal as slang did in the 80s.  Here were some of my favorite 80s catchphrases:  411, airhead, bombdiggity, Take a chill pill, cowabunga, legit, sike, and spaz.

5)  Yuppies. A conversation between my husband and me yesterday as we ate lunch at a lovely downtown café; in order to set the scene, I was eating a West Virginia Hot Dog and we were discussing this post:

Mr. Mondoo:  What about yuppies?

Mondoo:  Oh yes!  I have them listed under Love.

Mr. Mondoo:  Why?!

Mondoo:  Because if we were living our current lives in the 80s, we’d totally be yuppies.

Mr. Mondoo:  No we wouldn’t!  We don’t wear expensive clothes, drive fancy cars, or      live in a giant house.

(pause)

Mondoo:  No… but I want to.

Hate:

1)  The music. I blame modern day radio for making me hate 80s music.  Not all 80s music is crappy, in fact, I liked a lot of it like the rock tunes of Aerosmith, Bon Jovi, Guns and Roses; I absolutely loved NKTOB, Paula Abdul, Michael Jackson; and who doesn’t love the hip-hop anthems of Salt-N-Peppa and Run DMC?  But when present day DJs celebrate the 80s, they insist on playing songs by U2, A-Ha, Flock of Seagulls, Tears for Fears, Jody Whatley, Simple Minds, and Cutting Crew.  If I wanted to listen to soft music with synthesizers, I would ride in elevators all day.

2)  Madonna.  Speaking of crappy 80s music, let’s talk about Madonna.  I never liked Madonna and I still don’t, but I always felt like I should.  She’s way too gimmicky for my tastes.  It’s like she tried too hard to be slutty and rebellious when all she was really doing was copying Cyndi Lauper’s clothes and poppy beats.  Get your own act, Madonna.  Man, she’s even more obnoxious now but we’re not talking about now, we’re talking about the 80s.  And Madonna sucked in the 80s.  Who said it?!  I said it!

3)  Neon. No wonder everyone wore giant shades in the 80s.  Neon is bright and offensive.  And neon isn’t anyone’s color.  But wow, everyone wore neon in the 80s: neon Umbro shorts, neon Hypercolor t-shirts, neon windbreakers, neon spandex shorts; you name it, it came in neon.  Thank God that trend is over.

4)  Worst decade for Pittsburgh sports. In the 80s, the Steel Curtain retired and (according to Mr. Mondoo) the Pens effectively threw the 1983-84 season so that they could draft Mario Lemieux.  Also, even though the Pirates do currently suck, at least the Pirate Parrot hasn’t been busted for selling cocaine to players so far this decade.  Plus, in the late 2000s, Pittsburghers are so used to winning championships and in the 80s, no championships.  Wah wah city.

5)  People still living in the 80s. You’ve all seen them.  The women that prompt you to say “Hey, the 80s called, they want their hair back.”  The 80s were so good that people don’t want to let them go.  Perhaps the biggest offenders of this phenomenon are Yinzers.  Big hair, mustaches, mullets, femullets, long press-on fingernails, poofy bangs—they love the 80s… and the Stillers.

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