Mondoo’s Mailbag

1 Dec

So when I solicited for some Mondoo’s Mailbag inquiries a couple weeks ago, I never imagined that I’d actually get a response.  Well, that’s not true, I have a lot of family who read this and kinda thought that some of them would feel pitied into submitting something.  But never did I expect such a plethora of topics to discuss.  How exciting!   Let’s begin…

Our first mailbag question comes from Ganky and she writes:

Why do we have to be so “politically correct” in all our lives???? Why can’t we laugh and make fun of the person falling down the steps, picking their butt,and those darn lycra pants that every obese woman insists on wearing to WalMart? Guess what–they’re clumsy/ rude/ and obese. Oh, I can list tons more but it wouldn’t be politically         correct!!!!!!!

Thank you, Ganky, for making my first mailbag question so easy to answer… by answering it youself.  I agree.

Our next question comes from Kristina who is, no doubt, fabulous:

“Mondoo, You have a plenty of higher education knowledge and in an effort to help you exercise that knowledge (I wish I had a way to do that), I ask that you identify some problems you feel exist and explain how “Mondoo” could make it all run more smoothly!”

Excellent question, Kristina.  Honestly, in this day and age, the biggest problem that I feel exists in higher education is that no one is currently hiring… me.  I mean, it’s like you said, I have plenty of higher education knowledge, and not to mention that this blog has helped to sharpen my tongue, enhance my writing skills, and help me turn a critical eye to a number of pertinent world issues like vampires, festival foods, and creepy college mascots.  Any higher education institution would be lucky to have me.

And now a question from Mrs. Zack Morris:

Mondoo:  What kind of bear is best? What’s that? It’s a ridiculous question? Fine…then what is your favorite “The Office” prank and why?

My favorite prank from The Office is how they’ve managed to make that show mostly unfunny since Season 3.  Granted there are fantastic episodes here and there and funny little quips from time to time but nothing like the hilarity of my favorite season, Season 2.  Oh, is that not what you meant?  My bad.  Asking to list your favorite prank is like asking me to choose my favorite festival food, impossible so here’s a video that has a lot of my favorites, especially #2, it still makes me LOL.

I have a question for you, Mrs. Zach Morris.  How do you feel about Kelly being impregnated?  Do you fear that your husband may have been unfaithful?   I’m sorry if that is too painful to talk about.  Try not to go all Elin Nordegren Woods on him.

Kerri was lovely enough to provide a visual with her question:

In other news, and maybe you could finagle another hate-filled (read: hilarious) post out of this. I saw this notepad at Pier 1 yesterday, and thought of you. I feel like driving with the windows up and fussing at other drivers is another appropriate outlet for being sort of hateful. What are your driving habits in that area, Mondoo? What is your favorite  thing to yell about/what action of other drivers pisses you off the most?

This is a tough question actually, Kerri, because my hate is unleashed frequently when driving, even more so than when I’m blogging, which is hard to believe, I know.  I alluded to this during my Mondoo’s Thanksgiving Tips post but the most annoying thing about other drivers is the fact that they drive slowly in the passing lane like it’s simply a second lane.  Well, guess what, it’s not; it’s a PASSING lane, meant for faster drivers who are PASSING you.  So, MOVE OVER!  You can tail people for miles and miles and they still don’t move over forcing you to pass them on the right, which is dangerous and aggravating.  The biggest offenders of this act:  people from Ohio and the handicapped.  I was just politically incorrect, happy Ganky?

Our final question today comes from Beefer, who sounds very handsome, like The Rock:

You say you hate a lot of things. But you also say that you love your husband. Is there  anything you hate about him?  Like how handsome he is?  Also, what happened toVitamin G? Is she dead? Should I send a sympathy card?

Beefer, let’s get one thing straight, I would never pair the word hate with the subject of husband.  He is fabulous… fabulously handsome.  However, there are a few things about him that annoy the bejeezus out of me.  Aside from making me talk to him in the car, he fake whistles in the morning.  He does this in our bathroom that adjoins our bedroom… while I’m still trying to sleep.  What do I mean by fake whistling?  Well, when he was little, he couldn’t whistle properly, just like he couldn’t ride a bike properly until his little sister showed him how.  So, he learned to fake whistle and still does it now by pushing air through his teeth and lips.  Annoying.  He also does another annoying thing with his mouth.  He thinks that he’s being polite by not releasing his burps and instead pushes the air through his teeth and lips “Shhhhh!”  Like someone is letting air out of a tire.  He’s a big guy and burps A LOT so instead of disgusting belches, I hear “SHHHH!” every three seconds.  I know that the alternative isn’t much better but still, annoying.  So you see, Beefer, even though I love my husband more than anything in the world, my hate knows no bounds.

As for Vitamin G, your guess is as good as mine.  Yes, please send me a sympathy card.  I love mail.

Speaking of mail, please continue to send your Mondoo’s Mailbag inquiries either by leaving a comment or by emailing


3 Responses to “Mondoo’s Mailbag”

  1. mrs zack morris December 1, 2009 at 1:01 pm #

    Why yes, Mondoo, thanks for bringing up Zack Morris’ infidelity. And while I don’t need a golf club to do my dirty work, I may just put my own spin on beating my husband with things from his everyday life…
    This baby could also do some damage to a car window.
    Oh, and I also heard a rumor going around that your husband’s little sister also had to teach him to use a knife to cut up different meats when they were little. Is there any truth to that?

  2. ganky December 2, 2009 at 12:09 pm #

    yes, ganky is happy!!! my questions today- are you tired of sending christmas cards? are you tired of waiting to see if joe blow will send you one first this year or wait until he receives yours? why do we send cards to people that we NEVER talk to but feel obligated to acknowledge at Christmas???? help me miss mondoo– i really missed your posts.


  1. Love/Hate: Christmas Cards « 141characters - December 11, 2009

    […] week during Mondoo’s Mailbag, I received the following question from […]

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