Go On Oprah, Don’t Let the Door Hit You On the Way Out

4 Dec

Recently Oprah Winfrey announced that her talk show would be ending.  In two years.  That gives us two whole years to talk about how much we’re going to miss Oprah and what will we read and who will tells us who to judge and what to do…  Well, two years cannot come quick enough for some of us.

I’ve never really had good feelings toward Oprah.  I can respect that she is a hardcore good business woman and has built an empire complete with loyal subjects, but her show is not for me.  I hate how she has a hold over the “housewife market” and if she so much as sneezes toward a product sales to that demographic explode.  Really, ladies?  Oprah is a billionaire.  She did not get that way by telling you the truth about what face cream is the best or the most effective new diet.  Sure, she gives a ton of money away through charity, and that is very respectable, but even then I have that same gnawing skepticism as I do when Angelina runs around snapping pictures and snatching babies from third-world countries.  It’s just a little too image-conscious.  (Like giving away cars to everyone in her audience?)

I hate how she brings anorexic women or couples about to get divorced on the show to give their sad story over national TV and then gets her psychologist friends to practice whatever pop-therapy is in fashion, and then sends them on their way like they’re healed.   And can we talk about Dr. Phil??  He must have gotten his PhD in getting on my nerves because that guy is relentless.  I think the worst part about being a celebrity and going crazy would be running the risk of an unsolicited intervention by Dr. Phil.   Take your yelling, your blaming the parents, and the rest of your bad advice and go back to Texas.

Um, and remember how Oprah wasn’t allowed into that Hermes store after hours and then she went on her show to brattily tell everyone not to shop there?  What was that??  And how does someone fawn over Kanye but oppose Ludacris?

I certainly don’t dislike all talk shows.  I loved it when Ricki Lake used to send bad kids to boot camp.  I like it when Maury gives nerds makeovers then has them face their high school crushes.  I like finding out who the baby daddy is and if he is willing to accept responsibility.  Even Tyra with her maniacal ego and clown makeup amuses me.  But I’m not running around talking about how any of these people know what’s best for me.

And one more thing.  Oprah is not leaving!  She’s got a magazine, the book club and an entire channel devoted to all Oprah goings on to guide us when she leaves.  This is all clearly part of some master plan for for the Oprah Brand world takeover.


One Response to “Go On Oprah, Don’t Let the Door Hit You On the Way Out”

  1. Beefer December 4, 2009 at 4:15 pm #

    I was with you until “Even Tyra . . . amuses me.”

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