Coach Mondoo’s Bowl Preview

17 Dec

You know from reading my recent cover letter and resume that I’m really adept when it comes to all things football.  Well, I’ve learned from the most recent screaming on ESPN that something big in college football is coming up: Bowl Season.

At first, I was moderately intrigued because this means that college football will continue into the New Year and since the Steelers have decided to give up on their season, I’m not left with many football watching options.  However, I became especially intrigued when I found out that just like March Madness, I could randomly choose winners and compete for pride with my husband.  You see, I’m completely uninterested in basketball.  Every game ends the same, the players foul each other continuously and somehow, even though only seconds remain on the clock, the end of the game seems to take nearly a half hour.  But, it never fails; every spring, I cannot wait to fill out my March Madness bracket and obsessively check the final scores of each game and either triumphantly highlight the winners or disappointingly cross out the losers.

And now I come to find out that I can do the same with football and these bowl games!  I’ve used many strategies in the past to predict March Madness winners:  watching ESPN prediction specials, researching picks on various sports blogs, and straight up copying analysts’ brackets.  My most favorite and by far most successful, didn’t involve research or stats.  No, I chose my winners based upon the institution.  Did I go there?  Did I know someone who went and/or works there?  Was this institution located anywhere near me or my family?  Yes, that’s how I chose my winners and I’m pretty sure I kicked my husband’s butt that year.

At present time, I’m unsure of how I will predict my bowl winners.  As you may remember, I do have a lot of experience with college mascots; perhaps that’s the way to go with this one.  On second thought, I’m gonna go with Lou Holtz.  After all, he’s magic.

Although I haven’t chosen any winners at this point, I have developed some thoughts on the upcoming bowl season just by looking at my bracket…

Scariest Bowl:  Obviously, the Gator Bowl.  Everyone is afraid of gators.  In my lifetime, I’ve only heard of two people in the world who aren’t afraid of gators:  Steve Irwin and this guy.  Granted, he hit his gator with an 18-wheeler so it was pretty much dead, but nevertheless, this guy had no problem strapping that carcass to his truck and traveling it all the way back to southwestern Virginia.  (Did you ever just move to a new city and read something in the paper that makes you say “Why the hell did I move here?”  This alligator article provided that experience for me shortly after moving to Roanoke, VA three years ago).

Best Bowl Location: Hands down, Hawaii Bowl.  How can one even compete with a tropical locale in the beginning of winter?   About a year ago, Mr. Mondoo and I left the frigid temperatures and cruised to the Caribbean.  Nothing plays tricks with your mind more than being in hot weather with blue skies overhead and crystal clear water at your feet.  You totally forget that it’s winter until you return to the cold and realize that Jet Blue has lost your luggage.

Most Unfortunate Bowl Location: From what I hear, one of the most exciting things about being invited to a bowl, besides the monetary payout for your school and all of the free swag for the players, is the fact that you get to travel to somewhere really cool.  Yeah, unless you’re one of the teams that have been invited to any of the following bowls:  Humanitarian Bowl (Boise, ID), International Bowl (Toronto), and Little Caesars Bowl (Detroit, MI).   Although all three locations are super cold (different than cool), by far the most unfortunate is the Little Caesars Bowl because not only is Detroit cold, but you’re most likely to die in Detroit as well.  Tough break, Ohio and Marshall.  Oh… Marshall, huh?   Well guess what?  That search committee never gave me an interview, sent a letter, nothing.  And what did I learn on the news this morning, they’ve hired a football coach!  How rude!  Have fun in Detriot, sucka!

Most Festive Bowl: Fiesta Bowl seems like the obvious choice, doesn’t it?  Well, you’re wrong.  Winner:  Poinsettia Bowl.  Sure, they are a poisonous flower but they remind the eyes that it’s the holidays and plentiful festivities are ahead.

Softest Bowl: Sorry, Pacific Life Holiday Bowl, although I hear whales are pretty soft, the Cotton Bowl wins this one.

Most Likely to Bore Me Bowl: Ha-HA!  Tricked you!  The answer to this one is all of them!

Most Delicious Bowl: Tough competition in this category as well:  you have the Sugar Bowl, Orange Bowl, Papa Bowl, Little Caesars Bowl, the Tostitos Fiesta Bowl even; but the clear winner to me is the Chick-fil-A Bowl.  Their chicken is so effing delicious.  And they have waffle fries which is a close second to my favorite fry, seasoned.  One question though: why can’t their spokescows spell? Meez Confuzd.


One Response to “Coach Mondoo’s Bowl Preview”


  1. Coach Mondoo’s NFL Analysis « 141characters - January 25, 2010

    […] you forget the following posts:  Love/Hate: Football, Just call me, Coach Mondoo, Creeptastic, and Coach Mondoo’s Bowl Preview), I thought that I would provide my expert analysis of the 2009 NFL Playoffs and the upcoming Super […]

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