I had a monthly pre-natal check-up yesterday and Mr. Mondoo and I caught a glimpse of our little girl. Man, is she adorable! Honestly. She has moved from the monster-looking stage to the actual baby-looking stage and Mr. Mondoo couldn’t be happier. She was starting to freak him out. Anyways, now that I’m past the halfway mark in my pregnancy, I finally get to call shenanigans on this weird TLC show, I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant.
I’ll do my best to not get too graphic, but really, we’re talking about pregnancy and the body so just be forewarned. There’s only so much I can sugar coat.
Oh? You didn’t know that you were pregnant? Did you notice that you hadn’t had your monthly visitor for oh, say, NINE MONTHS?! I can understand missing it for a month, maybe two, but the whole nine?! I’m sure your life isn’t that busy. SHENANIGANS!
Within a week or two of finding out I was pregnant, my body started changing. I didn’t grow a bowling ball in my stomach overnight but wow, certain parts definitely started getting bigger and wider, let me tell you. How do you not notice that?! SHENANIGANS! And eventually, that bowling ball does start to appear in the front and if you don’t start noticing that, get your eyes checked. And while you’re at it, encourage your spouse, friends, family, co-workers, neighbors, cashiers at the grocery store, mechanics, baristas, etc. to get their eyes checked, too.
And if your growing body wasn’t clue enough, let’s talk about these weird pregnancy symptoms that I’ve been experiencing. How about being so congested and stuffy that you can’t successfully breathe through your nose, making your sleeping difficulties that much worse? Or how about the fact that you literally lose your mind? I can’t focus and my thought train continually jumps the tracks. Totally unlike Mondoo, if you know her in real life. Maybe all of these I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant women are total flakes, I dunno but SHENANIGANS!
Oh yeah and what about FEELING YOUR BABY MOVE?! How can you not feel that?! SHENANIGANS! For those of you who have not been pregnant, I can’t even effectively describe how your child feels when it moves inside of you. And a lot of other people can’t either as I’ve found. I asked every mother that I know what it was going to feel like and the most common answer I got was “Oh it’s like a butterfly fluttering.” Yeah, that’s a lie. It feels nothing like that. And besides, who knows what a butterfly might feel like on the inside of you. I call shenanigans on that description, by the way. Anyways, one unmistakable feeling is feeling your baby actually kick. The first clue that it’s a baby and not gas or something is that um, something is moving inside of you. Duh. The second clue is that a baby kick is like NOTHING you have EVER felt before. Isn’t that enough to make you seek out a medical health professional?
And perhaps the biggest SHENANIGANS about this whole idea is the labor and delivery portion of your pregnancy. So, let me get this straight: the pain is SO bad but it’s nothing a little trip to the bathroom won’t fix? SHENANIGANS! And while we’re at it, you do know where babies are birthed and where number 2 comes from, right? Two completely different locations. But I guess if you can’t tell the difference, then you have bigger problems than not knowing that you’re pregnant.
To conclude, I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant women, it’s not that you didn’t know you were pregnant, it’s that you’re in complete and utter denial. Get over it, you got pregnant, and a baby is coming. Take better care of yourself and, in turn, your child. And while you’re at it, consider yourself SHENANIGAN’D!