A BIG thank you to those who wrote in to Mondoo’s Mailbag recently! These inquiries will become even more important since Vitamin G has left me to fill five days worth of posts by myself. Please keep writing in! Comment or email email@example.com.
Our first inquiry comes from mrs. zack morris: “I know that in your last Mondoo’s Mailbag, you addressed not being a fan of the whole Kindle Kraze…well neither am I, but that doesn’t really matter. My question is though, is there a specific book or book series that you could read over and over again without getting bored? In other words, what is your favorite book of all time? Are you the type of person who can read a book over and over again without getting sick of it? Similarly, is there a movie out there that you can watch over and over? I love reading, it’s one of my favorite things to do so I’m just curious to see what others like to read.”
Am I one of those people that can read the same book or series over and over? Absolutely not. Even if I’m so enthralled by a piece of literature, I cannot bear to read it again because to me, it has lost all of its “what is going to happen next, what will I learn from this” magic. Sorry to be a buzzkill.
Movies on the other hand, they are so mindless and require no effort on my part that yes, I have several that I can watch over and over again. And man, so does Mr. Mondoo. To look at Mr. Mondoo, one would have no idea that he is of Italian decent, except that in classic stereotypical fashion, he loves mafia movies. And is really hairy. But let’s focus on the movies. Martin Scorsese must have some deal with DirecTV because Goodfellas is listed on the guide at least once a day. And if Mr. Mondoo is home and in front of the TV, he’s watching Goodfellas, unless of course Casino or any of The Godfathers are on, then it’s quite the conundrum. Thank God for the flashback button.
My mafia movies, if you will, are any of the following: Sleepless in Seattle (classic), You’ve Got Mail (although not a sequel to Sleepless in Seattle, it’s nice to finally see Tom and Meg on screen together for a good portion of the movie. I pretend they are Sam and Annie and the whole movie becomes even more magical for me), Definitely Maybe (Duh, Ryan Reynolds being adorable and hot), and Twister. Did you hear that Bill Paxton wants to make a Twister sequel in 3D?! Yes, please! I mean, what else is Helen Hunt doing? They might have some trouble getting Academy Award-winning Philip Seymour Hoffman to reprise his role as Dusty though. But a girl (and Bill Paxton) can dream!
The next question is from Rosalie: “Hey Mondoo! I appreciate you validating (sort of) my comment about Jersey Shore. I am starting to get over it, and actually the whole Michael Cera/Jersey Shore cross-promotion made me like both Michael Cera and the show a little less. He should just be George-Michael Bluth forever since that character is both entertaining and a representation of the full extent of his acting range. Anyway, I do have a new question for you, about your parenting plans. What are your feelings on lying to kids, for fun and convenience? For instance, my mom once told me (and maybe she believed this) that cows spontaneously combust. Not all the time, but you know once in a while when it’s really hot out. I found out last year, at age 26, that this is actually not something that ever happens. A friend of mine who had much older siblings thought that Jimmy Carter was her boyfriend when she was 4 or 5, and my uncle and aunt made up Easter Bunny-esque characters for every holiday (like St Patrick’s Day and Valentines Day). Do you and Mr. Mondoo have any fun family myths to pass on, or hilarious delusions cooked up to torture the kiddos?”
First off, Rosalie, let me say that I really appreciate your observation about Michael Cera’s acting ability (or inability as some may see it). It’s really been something that I’ve thought about a lot and also something that Mr. Mondoo and I discuss at length. It’s a wonder this topic is just now reaching 141characters. Anytime I see a preview for a new movie starring Michael Cera, I always say: “Oh goodie, another movie where Michael Cera is playing Michael Cera.” I love me some Arrested Development and some George Michael Bluth though. And Michael Cera should thank God for that show every day. Mitch Hurwitz created the perfect character for Michael Cera and now he’s going to ride it out for all eternity and America is completely fooled. Well, not us, Rosalie! We’re onto him!
Ok, now for your actual question. This is something that Mr. Mondoo and I have actually discussed and are somewhere in the process of making a decision. I’m inclined to think that Mr. Mondoo will in fact be playing tricks on our daughter because he frequently plays tricks on me. You see, he makes up these total unbelievable lies about nothing important (“Did you know that eventually the ocean is going to turn red?”) I give him an annoying, completely disbelieving look and say: “You’re lying.” He then goes into great depth explaining his lie with all sorts of scientific facts and research. I become intrigued and kinda start to believe him. He continues and I then search for validity one last time by asking “Are you really serious?” And he replies with a satisfied: “No.” What. A. Jerk. Sometimes these exchanges go on for hours but he always eventually reveals that he is in fact lying. I’m sure that he is going to do the same thing to our daughter. And I’m sure she’ll think that Daddy is hilarious until she is eleven and then she’ll think that he’s the lamest creature to ever walk the planet. So really, he’s going to get his for all of this trickery.
And last but certainly not least, my most loyal mailbagger, Kerri, with the following questions:
“1) In what kind of clothes do you think you’ll dress baby girl? I don’t peg you as the let’s-dress-our-5-year-old-like-she’s-15, so how do you feel about that issue (I’m sure you know the type to which I am referring…)?
2) If you could design your own winter apparel, what additional features would it have that you wish your current apparel had? Such as: Boots with ice spikes that pop out like Heelys (worst invention ever)?”
Well, Kerri, it might be easier to answer Question #1 with a list of things that Baby WON’T be wearing:
– Clothing that is more expensive than mine. Not that Baby doesn’t deserve nice things but c’mon. She’s a baby! They grow out of their clothes in a day. And puke on things.
– Too much of the color pink. I’m not a fan of pink. Even though Baby is a girl, her room is not going to be decorated in pink. I do understand that people will probably buy her pink and for this reason, she will wear a limited amount of the color pink, but not too much if Mommy and Daddy Mondoo can help it.
– Bows taped to her head.
– Sequins and sparkles.
Before I answer your second question, let me just say that I also think that Heelys are the worst invention ever. For a while there, I couldn’t go to the mall or grocery store without some punk kid skating by me on his tricked out sneakers. ANNOYING. But anyways, if I could invent one winter accessory it would be a nose warmer. I have a giant nose and it doesn’t matter how bundled up I get, my nose is always cold, mainly because it sticks out there so far. They make ear warmers, why not nose warmers? Although I fear it wouldn’t be very attractive, at least my giant schnozz would be warm!
Thanks for writing in, readers! More of you should write in, it’s only going to make me more funny.