So the Winter Olympics are all the rage now and honestly, I could care less. Does that make me un-American? It may. But in typical Mondoo fashion, I formed unfounded opinions on the Winter Olympics in the form of this week’s edition of Love/Hate. I struggled with the Loves. The Hates came pretty easily.
1) Opening Ceremonies. Aside from showcasing the athletes and preceding the Olympic games, the opening ceremonies have NOTHING to do with sports and everything to do with pageantry, fashion, and entertainment. I can totally get behind that. Usually I don’t miss the opening ceremonies but unfortunately, I did this year. Mr. Mondoo and I were alternating dominating and then blowing the lead at Team Trivia that evening. But no worries, I heard all about the torch lighting debacle and it was made even better by Wayne Gretzky’s displeasure with the entire thing.
2) Figure Skating. Or is it Ice Dancing? Honestly, I don’t know the difference. Both have spandex, sequins, and weird instrumental music that no one listens to in real life. But even still, figure skating is really cool. Have you ever tried to ice skate? I’ve only done it twice in my life. The first time was a horrible experience with my ankles turning during every excruciating second. I did get to eat concession stand French fries after though. The second time was only a year ago and it worked out much better. Even still, I got bored and tired after a few laps. Concentrating on not falling on the hard, cold ice takes a lot out of you. You know what else? I’m not a scientist or anything so I don’t know about physics but honestly, how do ice skates work? It really seems nearly impossible for those two sharp blades to support you, no matter your size. One thing that I do hate about figure skating… why was it on so darn late last night? Don’t they know that pregnant ladies get tired and need to go to bed at a decent hour? The coverage started at 10pm and began with the crappy skaters who fell a bagillion times. I didn’t even know that Lysacek won the gold until I woke up this morning. And apparently Elvis Stojko was not happy about that. Yahoo told me. But thanks to the Today Show and their incessant Olympic coverage (more on that later), I did see the highlights and honestly, Lysacek was much more smooth than Plushenko in his execution of those jumpy, twisty moves (technical term). And, furthermore, Lysacek has slightly less nose than Plushenko. So, in my mind, winner.
3) Races. Races are what makes the Summer Olympics far more superior than the Winter Olympics, but I did catch a few of the race-related Winter Olympic events and boy, they were exciting! I didn’t even know there were going to be snowboard races but there were and they were awesome!
4) Miracle. Let me set the scene for you. It was 2004, four years into the youthful relationship of the Mondoos. We reluctantly decided to take in screening of Miracle. Our expectations were low. I mean, the only other hockey-related movie that we were familiar with was the Mighty Ducks movies. And although entertaining, they are not cinematic masterpieces. We expected to be mildly entertained. WRONG. I can’t even begin to appropriately explain how awesome this movie was. After watching that movie, I felt like it was 1980 and we had beat the Russians all over again! We were so high on movies after that viewing that we decided to go back to the theater a week later to give Welcome to Mooseport a shot. That was a bad, bad decision.
1) Messes with regular TV programming. How excited was I to sit down and watch The Biggest Loser on Tuesday night? VERY. How disappointed was I to be painfully reminded that real TV won’t be back for another week? Again, VERY. But nothing has been more disturbed by the Winter Olympic coverage than my beloved Today Show. You see, The Today Show is on NBC, so they’ve been forced to live in Vancouver for the past month and plan their entire coverage around the Winter Olympics. And I’m SO over it. There’s only so many current and former Olympians that we can interview. Only so many Winter Olympic sports that we can watch Matt, Meredith, Al, and Ann try. And only so many Vancouver winter fashions and Canadian food dishes that we can learn about. Honestly, I can’t wait until the Olympics are over. I want my TV back.
2) Most winter sports are boring. Cross country? Biathlon? Curling? How exciting can those be to anyone? I mean, really. Even the somewhat exciting winter sports like bobsled and luge are hard to get excited about because you’re just watching different teams or contestants do the same thing over and over again. If someone could design a bobsled track that would enable us to see bobsledders race neck and neck with each other, then maybe I could get excited about the winter games. Just maybe.
3) Tape delay. Can you say spoiler alert? I mean, maybe tape delay was OK back in the day but nowadays with the internets, it’s hard to keep anything a secret. This makes watching at least half of the primetime Winter Olympic coverage pretty obsolete. I know what you’re thinking: “Mondoo, just don’t look up the results on the internets.” I’m sorry. What else am I supposed to do all day? Get a job? HAHAHAHAHA. No.
4) Shaun White. Everyone is pretty high on Shaun White these days, with the gold medals and all. Well, I’m not impressed with The Flying Tomato. I mean, his snowboarding moves are pretty impressive but then I look at his face and I’m immediately unimpressed. He also seems like a total Michael Phelps-esque douchebag. Oh and let’s talk about the hair. Wow. Long, voluminous, AND curly. It’s so unnerving when a guy’s hair is nicer than yours. Dear Shaun White: Cut your hair, hippie! Love, Mondoo.
5) Poor Lindsey Vonn. Take a look at this Sports Illustrated cover. Does it speak controversy to you? Well it sure to did to a lot of female sports writers last week. Many claimed that her pose was sexually suggestive and her cover, overall, was sexualized. I don’t know much (read: anything) about downhill skiing, but I think that’s how you’re supposed to look. You know, leaning DOWN HILL. Oh and she’s also wearing make-up. How dare she?! Female athletes shouldn’t be able to wear make-up. However, I know the real reason why this cover ignited such passion from these reporters. Lindsey Vonn is pretty. And they are jealous. Women are SO like that. Can’t you just be happy that she is a woman on the cover of SI? I mean, how often does that happen aside from that ridiculous-serves-no-purpose-to-its-audience-swimsuit issue? It doesn’t. And really, if you’re going to get on SI’s case for “sexualizing” this Olympian, then I sure hope you were outraged by this cover of Michael Phelps. I know that I was. Because he is so gross.