As Seen on TV: Part 2

23 Feb

A while back, I explored some awesomely weird as seen on TV products.  Well, today I’m back with more ridiculous products that the TV thinks we need.  I contend that we still don’t need them but, wow, they are fun to laugh at…

DogPedic Sleep System

Do you sleep all night in a comfy bed while your dog sleeps on the hard floor?  Yes.  Because he’s a dog and you’re a human.  Does your dog get up and work for eight plus hours a day?  No.  Then what does he need a good night’s sleep for?  If dogs aren’t relieving themselves (on their Potty Patch, no doubt), then they are probably sleeping.  So, yes, let’s spend $60-$75 on this magic dog bed so that our dogs can sleep better at night… when they’re just going to sleep all day and then later eat their own poo.  I think Will Ferrell said it best in his “Dissing your Dog” sketch:  “You’re a f*&%ing dog.”

Loud and Clear

Do you want to spy on your neighbors?  How about people gossiping at a party?  Well then Loud and Clear is the product for you!  Or maybe you just want to look like one of those douchebags with a Bluetooth, although I don’t know why.  Gah!  Don’t you just hate those people?  I never know if they’re talking to me, themselves, or someone else.  Honestly, are you that busy or that important that you need a Bluetooth in order to keep your hands free?  I understand using them when you’re driving, that’s responsible, but more often than not, Bluetooth users use their Blueteeth as license to carry on two conversations at the same time.  That’s just rude.  Get over yourself and give the person you’re talking to your full attention.

In other news, if the Loud and Clear is only $14.99 plus shipping and handling, then why is my grandma spending thousands of dollars on her hearing aids only to take them out (because they don’t work, of course) and promptly lose them?  Perhaps a good Christmas present idea for next year.  Old people are so hard to buy for.

MicroForce Shaver

Man, it is so hard to shave underwater.  I wish they’d come up with a razor that lets me shave while submerged in my pool.  Bam!  MicroForce Shaver is here to save the day!  Or maybe you prefer shaving at the office, MicroForce can help you out there, too.  See, I told you all out there, the more dressed up you get for work, the less work that you have to do.  Apparently all that guy does is sit at his desk and shave all day.  He probably gets paid more than you, too.  He definitely gets paid more than me (still unemployed).  Or maybe you just miss the look of your old beeper.  MicroForce can help you long for the day when people had to call a number, enter their number, only so that you could get a page, read the number, and then call them back.  Efficiency at its finest.

Pajama Jeans

Yes, folks, I saved the best for last.  I don’t know how many times I’ve said “Jeans are so fashionable but sweats are so comfy, if only they made sweatpants that look like jeans!”  Well, now they do!  (Although my grandfather has been wearing his pajamas outside of the house for years, he’s so ahead of the fashion curve).  So, if you don’t have the time (how lazy) or desire (how sad) to thrown on a pair of jeans, just buy Pajama Jeans and roll out of the bed looking good (or just pathetic)!

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2 Responses to “As Seen on TV: Part 2”

  1. mrs zack morris February 23, 2010 at 11:19 am #

    Ahhhh where were these Pajama Jeans in the 90s when Mr. Mondoo would have most certainly worn them on picture day in 8th grade to elegantly match his Nike sweatshirt?!
    Also, perhaps Pajama Jeans are perfect for a night on the town in a special occassion restaurant where proper dress is required.

  2. Jeremy from We Took The Bait March 2, 2010 at 1:05 am #

    Thanks for the second installment of weird As Seen On TV products.

    I wonder if the commercials are regional. I’ve only seen one of the above infomercials… and I usually watch most of my television between the hours of 2 and 4 am, the prime hours for peddling (generally) worthless products to the gullible.

    By year’s end, every pair of pants I own will likely be replaced by Pajama Jeans.

    Not really. Maybe really.

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