Dance with Mondoo

4 Mar

So, Dancing with the Stars (DWTS) announced their line-up on Monday night amidst some show called The Bachelor. Would you believe that I’ve never watched The Bachelor?  Doesn’t it seem like that is something that Mondoo would like?  But no!  I’m really only familiar with it via The Soup.  I was surprised though that Vienna girl made it to the finals let alone got proposed to.  Joel McHale is right, she is butt!  Anyways, I have watched a couple seasons of DWTS, mainly to catch up with old 90210 personalities like Kelly and Steve.  But it seems as though the media (or at least my version of the media:  Live with Regis and Kelly, celebrity gossip blogs, and the local radio stations) are all abuzz with the latest DWTS cast.  Well, it just so happens that I need a blog post topic today, so I’m gonna throw my hat in the ring on this one and give my thoughts on the latest cast of DWTS.  I’m also going to let you know who, in my mind, they should have chosen instead.

DWTS Pick: Buzz Aldrin. Each season needs an old person and this season’s old person is a retired astronaut.  Sure, he was the second man to walk on the moon, that’s pretty impressive, but what kind of personality does he have?  I can think of a much more lively old person…

Mondoo’s Pick: Pappap. I know that only a select few 141characters readers actually know our Pappap but trust me, if you did, you’d want to see him on a national television show, too.  I’ve already mentioned in a previous post that he is quite the dandy.  He loves to dress up.  I can certainly imagine that he wouldn’t mind adding some sequins to his suits.  And plus, the man has tons of personality.  He kisses just about every woman that he meets and he loves fart jokes.  A mirror ball trophy winning combination.

DWTS Pick:  Pamela Anderson. I dunno about you but I feel badly for her partner.  He’s sure to catch some venereal disease just from dancing with her.  Man, she’s gross anymore.  Pam, honey, you’re a mother and 42 years old.  Quit taking off your clothes.  It should be interesting to see how they keep her “assets” from falling out of her flashy dance outfits.

Mondoo’s Pick:  Reba. You all know how much I love Reba (the person and the sitcom).  Pamela Anderson could learn a lesson from Reba on how to look sexy and act sassy while in your 40s.

DWTS Pick:  Erin Andrews. I guess Erin is OK.  A lot of guys out there think that she’s really hot because she is pretty AND she knows a lot about football.  Fair enough, I suppose.  One thing I know for sure is that she’s not as fun and perky as my pick…

Mondoo’s Pick:  Kelly Ripa. C’mon, if you’re going to choose a female host/reporter-type, you need to go with Kelly Ripa.  That woman is adorable!  She’s so tiny I could fit her in my purse.  She loves all things about celebrities and entertainment.  AND she’s married to that hottie Mark Consuelos.  If Mark’s not careful, he could end up on my Five.  Growl!

DWTS Pick:  Chad Ochocino. Yes, you read that correctly.  This guy’s last name is a number… in Spanish.  He legally changed it just to be a douche.  I don’t really know anyone who likes this guy so I’m guessing that he may be the first to go.  It makes sense though that he’s competing in DWTS.  He’s certainly not winning anything playing for the Cincinnati Bengals.  Ooooo, burn!

Mondoo’s Pick:  Hines Ward. If you’re going to go with a wide receiver, you gotta go with Pittsburgh Steeler Hines Ward.  First of all, he’s a Steeler.  Second of all, he’s ALWAYS smiling!  I don’t think that I’ve ever seen someone who smiles so much.  In a world (and league) filled with Chad Ochocinos, it’s refreshing to have Ward’s smile to count on.

DWTS Pick:  Shannen Doherty. While I approve of this pick on the basis of 90210 fandom, there’s one thing about Shannen that I just don’t like.  She is so mean!  I can’t imagine that anyone besides her mom is excited to see her on this show.  She may give Chad Ochocino a run for his money with being the first to be kicked off.

Mondoo’s Pick:  Tiffani Thiessen. Aaron Spelling replaced Shannen Doherty with Tiffani Thiessen so I am too.  She still fills the 90210 place on DWTS (having appeared as Valerie Malone for many seasons) but more importantly, she is a Saved by the Bell alum!  To be honest, what TV really needs is more Saved By the Bell.  Like new episodes.  How fun would that be?!  I know mrs. zack morris can get behind this idea.  Am I right?

DWTS Pick:  Evan Lysacek. Who didn’t see this one coming?  After winning the gold medal at the recent Vancouver games, Evan proclaimed that he would just love to be on DWTS.  Well, duh, they’d be idiots to pass up this guy.  He also fills the requisite Olympian role.  But if you ask me, it’s kinda like cheating to have Evan on DWTS.  I mean, the man essentially dances on ice skates for a living.  He, of course, is going to be amazing at ballroom dancing.  SHENANIGANS on this pick, DWTS!

Mondoo’s PickShannon Bahrke. She’s my favorite Olympian, hands down.  With her pink, streaky hair, she’s pretty much the most adorable Olympian ever.  She gives Hines Ward a run for his money with her constant smiling and perkiness.  PLUS, she’s engaged to be married to a man with the last name Happe!  Hence, her married name will be Shannon HAPPE.  So cute.

DWTS Pick:  Jake Pavelka. Aside from cross-promoting ABC’s two biggest brands, the only other reason that I can see for Jake’s presence on this seasons DWTS is to cover the hottie spot.  Well I got news for you, Pavelka.  You are not a hottie.  If you want a hottie on this show, you have to go with one person…

Mondoo’s Pick:  The Rock. Duh.  I bet you thought that I was going to say Mr. Mondoo, didn’t you?  While extremely hot, do you honestly think that I want some skinny ballroom dancer’s paws all over my husband while I gain pound after pound each week for the remainder of my pregnancy?  I should think not!  No, The Rock.  He’ll do for this season’s hottie pick.  Since he’s a movie star now and I don’t get to see him every Monday night with the rest of the wrestlers on Raw, he might as well appear on DWTS in order to give me my Rock fix.

DWTS Pick:  Niecy Nash. I used to love Reno 911! so I don’t mind Ms. Nash.  But do you know what television show I used to love even more?…

Mondoo’s Pick:  John Stamos. FULL HOUSE!  And who wouldn’t love to see Uncle Jesse on the ballroom floor?!  He could also fill the hottie spot on this season.  Maybe he could perform all of his dances to old Jesse and the Rippers songs.

DWTS Pick:  Aiden Turner. Each season needs a soap star and since DWTS is on ABC, it’s ALWAYS going to be a star from an ABC soap.  BORING!  I watch Days on NBC.

Mondoo’s Pick:  Drake Hogestyn.  Drake played one of my all-time favorite characters John Black on Days.  He made a living off of all of his ridiculous faces like this one.   I miss him every day as I watch Days.  That show is really sucking lately.  Like more than soap operas should.

DWTS Pick:  Nicole Scherzinger. Nicole is both the only Pussycat Doll that anyone knows AND the only Pussycat Doll remaining since all of the others are over her and quit.  But, the only doll that I have room for in my life is…

Mondoo’s Pick:  Baby. That’s right.  I’m going to loan my daughter to DWTS.  Not so she can compete for the mirror ball trophy but so that she can learn how to dance and appropriately entertain Mommy and Daddy.  My one dream for Baby is that she is a happy, healthy, giggly little girl who dances around in her diaper.  I can think of nothing more adorable (even more adorable than Kelly Ripa and Shannon Bahrke).  Plus, if she’s on the show, I get to sit in the front row and be all proud.  And be on TV, of course.  Someone is sure to start paying me to write this blog then!

DWTS Pick:  Kate Gosselin. Oh lord.  I thought that we were free from the Gosselins once TLC ended their show and those two losers finally got the divorce that we all saw coming five years ago.  But no!  ABC is subjecting us to more of Kate Gosselin.  Ugh.  This woman seriously needs to stop trying to be famous, get a real job, and start spending time with her eight children.  Yeah yeah, I hear ya, Kate.  You need to “support your family.”  Honey, if you have enough money in the bank to send all eight of your kids to college, then you’re doing better than most parents in this world and have enough money to support them financially.  Seriously, this woman is enough to make me not watch this season.  So.  Over.  Her.

141characters Pick: ???? Anyone is better than Kate Gosselin so I offer up this last slot to all of my loyal 141characters readers.  Who would YOU like to see on DWTS?

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4 Responses to “Dance with Mondoo”

  1. Rosalie March 4, 2010 at 9:52 am #

    I used to watch Dancing with the Stars once in a while, but the last few seasons I had no idea who anyone was, and that’s saying something since I am up on my D-list celebrity gossip. However, I have heard of almost all of these people and I’ve got DVR now so I’m going to have to start watching again.

    I think between Jon and Kate it might be more entertaining to see Jon compete in this contest, since he would have a different formal Ed Hardy t-shirt each week and he’d probably get in a fistfight with his partner and/or the judges on a pretty regular basis. But other than that I’d like to see even more folks from the Shannen Doherty/John Stamos stars of the 80s and 90s category! If they had an all-90210, or all-Full House, or even all-Family Matters cast, you know it would get the best ratings ever!

  2. Nic F March 4, 2010 at 10:52 am #

    Instead of Kate? Lets go with Lisa Kudrow. I miss friends, and she would me more entertaining and less controversial. I used to watch Jon and Kate all the time, but since they announced their divorce I haven’t turned it on once.

    More annoying that Kate being on DWTS is the effing Bachelor! I ignored that sow hoping it would just go away like it should. Now they stick the douchetastic Jake on my favorite show without asking me first. The nerve.

  3. mrs zack morris March 4, 2010 at 12:59 pm #

    What about Amy Roloff? She’s another mom with a bunch of kids AND she’s a little person – talk about overcoming adversity to dance with the stars! Also, perhaps Matt Roloff could show up all drunk to sit in the audience and Zach can wear his stupid hat that you’ve mentioned on this blog.
    Oh! And maybe they can incorporate the trebuchet somehow! Like strap Amy to it and launch her on stage to start one of the dances! Yes, that sounds fabulous.

  4. mondoo March 8, 2010 at 8:07 am #

    Those are all fabulous suggestions! Clearly, we all should be on the DWTS selection committee. I have no idea why they don’t ask us, it’s actually pretty rude.

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