I don’t read the local newspaper (too cool, I guess) so I rely on Mr. Mondoo to send me articles that he thinks are relevant to me. Well, yesterday, he sent me an article about a runaway Vietnamese potbellied pig. After ten years of commitment, he knows me so well.
This story is a major headline in both of our local rags. Which is like reason #141 why I love West Virginia. But honestly, this story affected me in a really personal way. I feel a certain kinship to Gordy. We actually have a lot in common.
First, the potbelly. Gordy, man, I feel ya. It’s not easy carrying that thing around. Your back must be killing you, I know that mine is. And for some reason, people feel like they can touch our bellies without asking. How rude! I dunno about you, but one of these days, I’m just going to return the favor by rubbing the perpetrator’s belly so hard that a Genie will pop out and offer me three wishes (My first wish? More wishes, duh).
Second, you’ve been all around our fair Capital City. Dude, me too! Just because I still don’t have a job, Mr. Mondoo makes me run all of these stupid errands downtown which is such a load of bull because guess where Mr. Mondoo works? Downtown! Yes, he could just as easily make these trips to the bank and the dry cleaners, but NOOOO! I don’t have a job so I “have the time.” Well, I may have the time but I don’t have the desire.
Third and most importantly, I love donuts, too! The only thing keeping me from visiting my local Donut Connection every morning just like you is the fact that my OB/GYN keeps informing me at my now bi-weekly appointments that I should shield my pregnant-self from carbs. (Although Mr. Mondoo totally offered to take me there this past Sunday morning. I think mainly just to spite my doctor. He thinks that she’s full of crap). So, glazed is your favorite, huh? I dig glazed, too, glazed sour cream that is. The next time that you’re at Donut Connection though (which I guess could be a while since you’re locked up just like Weezy F. Baby), do yourself a favor and try the German Chocolate. It’s pretty awesome. One question, though, how did you manage to score free donuts?! Is it the belly rubs? I’d let someone rub my belly, too, if they’d give me a free donut. You lucky pig.