Let me get this out of the way so I’m not apologizing throughout this post. I surmise that I’m going to be bombarded with comments on how you all don’t agree with me on this one, especially when it comes to a certain frosty beverage from a world-wide fast food chain. Feel free to share your contrary beliefs in a comment, but be nice. Remember, to each his (or her) own!
I love eating. I love holidays. And most holidays lend themselves well to eating, hence the term, eating holidays. Well, I’m here to proclaim that St. Patrick’s Day is the WORST eating holiday ever. And here is why (at least I feel this way).
Corned Beef and Cabbage
Blasphemy! How dare I call out corned beef and cabbage on St. Patrick’s Day? Well, guess what? I learned via Alton Brown and his educationally delicious Good Eats that corned beef and cabbage isn’t really even Irish. So there! Plus, it’s totally gross. Any time that I’ve been forced (mainly in my younger days. Dad wasn’t a short order cook, you know. He didn’t make multiple meals, you ate what was on the table or you didn’t eat) to eat corned beef, it’s always mushy and always tastes like Juniper Breeze from Bath and Body Works. If you want a cured, spicy meat, you gotta go with pastrami. All the way. And don’t even get me started on cabbage. It’s pretty much the most tasteless vegetable out there AND it smells like poo when you’re cooking it. (Trust me on this one, I’m actually Polish and consume cabbage on many occasion. Luckily, we’ve figured it out. In order to make cabbage somewhat appealing, you need to use it to roll meat and rice and then cook it with tomatoes). But for reals, if you want a traditional Irish entrée, try Irish stew instead.
Each and every late winter, I hear person after person long for a nearby Mickey D’s that carries the coveted Shamrock Shake. Well, I got news for you, folks, there is nothing more disgusting than a Shamrock Shake. If I wanted to eat something that tasted like toothpaste, I’d have a York Peppermint Patty or an Andes Candy. At least they integrate chocolate. And chocolate is something that I can get behind. But a brilliant marketing plan on the part of McDonald’s though. Take something gross (and something that people would totally tire of if on your daily menu) and limitedly release it every year. And people go crazy. Genius.
Guess what? It’s green on the way down and green on the way out. Is that how you want to spend your St. Patrick’s Day evening? Well then, be my guest. Start drinking green beer at 9am and continue doing so until you puke up green corned beef and cabbage by 3pm. For the life of me, I don’t understand why drinking all day (and drinking green beer, no less) is fun but whatever. My wish for all of you St. Patrick’s Day drunkies is that someday you grow up. And try a glass of wine. Much classier.
“Name dropping” time. Guess what? I’ve been to Ireland, Dublin to be exact. While I was there, I decided it would be a good idea to have my first pint of Guinness. BAD IDEA. First of all, it was warm. Oh how refreshing! Warm beer. Second, it was as thick as a Shamrock Shake, I almost needed a spoon. Third, it tasted like licking an ashtray. Ew, no thank you, Guinness. No siree, if I need to consume Guinness in order to make my St. Patrick’s Day complete, I’ll take it in the form of a chocolate cake, thank you. I would totally make this but unfortunately, I haven’t found a store that will only sell me one cup of Guinness.
Green Jello shots
Ugh, I can’t think of a worst kind of Jello than lime. Ew. Gross. I realize the necessity for green Jello given St. Patrick’s Day and all but there are so many more superior Jello flavors out there, raspberry and peach to name a couple. If you feel the need to consume your St. Patrick’s Day alcohol via a dessert and shot glass, try these pudding shots instead.
Oh who am I kidding. I freakin’ love potatoes! Any which way as long as I can slather them in ketchup. Baby loves ketchup. BUT my Anal Annie OB/GYN says to stay away from carbs. And even though Mr. Mondoo lectures me daily on how I shouldn’t eliminate them but simply cut down on them, I still don’t think it’s a good idea to gorge myself on potatoes today. So at least during my pregnancy, potatoes make this list. Gawd, that’s too bad. I love potatoes.
A Happy St. Patrick’s Day from 141characters! Luck of the Irish to you! Stay away from the corned beef though.