The Madness started yesterday and boy has it been maddening. After 16 games, Mondoo is currently 6-10 with her picks. I hope that you didn’t take any of my advice on Monday. If you did, I apologize and wish us both luck as the tournament progresses. Here’s what I’m saying to make myself feel better: “If my bracket has been blown to smitherines already, perhaps everyone else’s has too.” Yeah, it’s not really helping me feel better. It’s like when people say “Winning isn’t everything.” Duh, of course it is! No one plays a game to lose. That’s bullshit. Nevertheless, March Madness is pretty fun, too, which is why I both love and hate it. Take a look.
1) Keeping track of my bracket. Ok, I love to-do lists and crossing them off. It makes me feel so accomplished and productive. The same can be said for keeping track of my March Madness bracket. Here’s my technique: winners get a blue star and also get highlighted in yellow, losers get crossed off in red. Because red marks are bad. It makes for easy tallying of points and also makes my bracket look fun and colorful. I know, I sound like an anal loser. But I do this after each batch of games and it makes me happy. Leave me alone. I don’t have a job or anything else to do.
2) Having someone to root for. I don’t really care for basketball (see Hate). And we don’t watch much basketball here in the Mondoo household. And let’s be honest, all sports are boring when you don’t have a rooting interest. That’s why March Madness is so great. I don’t like basketball but I love to win (see Loves #4 & 5) so I love that the low-level gambling of March Madness spurs me to root for teams that otherwise I have no rooting interest in and it makes watching basketball slightly more enjoyable.
3) Sports Announcers. I revealed on Love/Hate: Football just how much I love sexual-sounding football terms. Well, yesterday during the Villanova vs. Robert Morris game, the announcer kept saying that one of the players had been “stroking it” all day. BAhahahahahaha! Mr. Mondoo tells me that this is some sort of basketball term but honestly, can’t they think of something more appropriate for TV? No? Ok then, I’ll just keep laughing at it.
4) The thought of winning money. So, I’m in this March Madness pool and currently the pot is set at $345! The pool master pays out to the top five winners so the chances of winning some sort of money are greater. Oh man, I’d love to win some money! How cool would that be?! No. How necessary would that be? I’m unemployed. I need the money more than anyone else. Perhaps he should consider that and fix the pool in my favor rather than his mom’s.
5) The thought of beating Mr. Mondoo. Mr. Mondoo LOVES sports, especially football, and even more specifically, college football. Therefore, it was so incredibly satisfying for me to trounce him during our college bowl game battle. He’s not as into basketball but who doesn’t love beating their partner/spouse in friendly competition? Pride is a powerful thing. Plus, we’re working out some sort of wager now and I’m desperately hoping that I win so he’ll need to change diapers for a week come May.
1) Basketball. My parents forced me to do something athletic when I entered third grade. They decided that basketball might be fun. FALSE. Basketball is NOT fun. Plus, I always got stuck on the loser team. I don’t understand how little and rec leagues can let that happen but it always does. The athletic, talented kids always get put on the same team and then all of the un-athletic, misfit kids get placed on the same team. It makes for a really unbalanced and frustrating (for the misfit team anyway) season. But at least we live in the day and age where everyone gets a trophy. I have three undeserved basketball trophies in a box in my parents’ house. They mean so much to me.
2) “Root for me!” You know what is so mean? Mr. Mondoo refuses to root for my picks. How unsupportive and mean of him. Doesn’t he want me to succeed? The quick answer: no. Because he wants to win. But you know what? He should want me to win even more. Isn’t that what love is all about? Apparently not. It must be about pride and money.
3) Did I mention basketball? Yeah, basketball. Totally not interested. I’m sure it’s because Pittsburgh doesn’t have a professional basketball team and therefore, southwestern Pennsylvanians aren’t as into basketball as they are with football (only five more months until football season! Here we go!). And really, the final minutes of basketball games are the WORST. It’s amazing how two minutes can turn into 30 minutes after about 100 fouls, foul shots, and a billionty timeouts later. I get that they want the clock to stop but if you’re trying to win, why are you fouling the other team and giving them more chances to score? Seems counter-productive to me.
4) The thought of being ranked last in my pool. So, yeah, I’m in this pool and the pool master sends out updates after each round. I loathe the thought of seeing my name last on the list. How embarrassing. Plus, the lower my name on the list, the less my chances are of actually winning money. Wah wah.
5) The thought of losing to Mr. Mondoo. So, I mentioned that I’m currently 6-10 in the pool, right? Well, Mr. Mondoo is 11-5. What. A. Jerk. Gawd, I totally DO NOT want to lose to him. He’s cocky enough without beating me at something. Plus, he wins EVERYTHING. Because he is both bigger than me AND smarter than me. He hasn’t yet decided on his wager in our friendly little bet but I’m sure no matter what it is, I won’t want to do it. Because I’m a sore loser.
Enjoy the Madness everyone!