Another Friday, another opportunity for me to both love and hate something. Each week when I trek to the grocery store, I honestly can’t help but love and hate it for the following reasons, read on. Do it. Why? Because I say so!
1) The Olive Bar. I used to hate olives. Actually, I still hate most olives (kalamatas all the way!) but I LOVE the olive bar at the local grocery store, mainly because it’s way more than olives—sun-dried tomatoes, prosciutto and feta stuffed banana peppers, hummus, to name a few—and it’s an awesome place in the grocery store where pregnant ladies can sample items before they buy them (or not buy them. That’s also called stealing. I call it a snack. What? I’m hungry).
2) Wine and Beer. Growing up in Pennsylvania, if you wanted beer, liquor, or wine, you had to go to the liquor store, six-pack shop, or the beer distributor. Not in other states. You can get your milk, bread, and beer all at the grocery store. It’s amazing. And convenient. And I love it.
3) Reusable bags. Yeah, yeah, I love the environment but you know what I love even more? Not having thousands of plastic bags in my house. Sure, Mr. Mondoo likes to use them as garbage bags in the smaller trashcans but we don’t produce nearly enough garbage in those little cans to EVER use the plastic grocery bags that can be accumulated with the amount of food that we buy. I love my reusable bags for this reason and for the reason that I suspect when people see me using my reusable bags, they think to themselves “Aw, she is so progressive and loves the environment.” Oh wait. I live in West Virginia. It’s probably more likely that they are thinking “How did she end up here in our state?! Go home, hippie!”
4) A foodie’s dream. I’m a self-proclaimed foodie. I admit it. I love food. The Food Network. I subscribe to Cooks Illustrated (yes, the first time that I heard this, I thought it was made up but no, it’s a real magazine). Cooking. Baking. Trying all kinds of new and interesting foods. And most importantly, eating. The grocery store is my heaven. Well, a good grocery store anyways. I love the grocery stores that have the aforementioned amenities (a wine section, olive bar) as well as a good deli, sushi bar, a well-stocked international foods aisle. I’ve never lived in a metropolitan area with one of those giant, fancy grocery stores but I’ve visited one or two and hands down, I fell in love with Wegmans. If could transport my king-sized Simmons Beauty Rest to a Wegmans, I could probably live there.
5) Mondoo’s Day Out. I’m still unemployed. Grocery shopping gives me an excuse to leave the house. Enough said.
1) Choosing the wrong line. I’m sure that I’m not the only one but really, I always choose the wrong line at the grocery store. I just can’t win. Just when I think: “Score! You got the shorter line!” the people in front of me always pull out a load of coupons or welfare checks or the cashier is more concerned with chatting up the customers than efficiently scanning the items. Of course, I could always scan my own items…
2) Kroger Self-Checkout. NOT. There is no more awful experience at the local Kroger than self-scanning your own items. The machines are so sensitive, it’s like dealing with a pregnant lady. Seriously, if you don’t immediately place your item in the bag after scanning, it freaks out (which is a bunch of bullshit because it’s not like you’re stealing it, you’ve already scanned it!), freezes up, alerts the attendant (whose job must be seriously annoying and boring) and you can no longer proceed with scanning your items. And don’t even try to buy alcohol in a self-checkout line. If by some miracle you can locate that worthless self-scan attendant, then they will need to review your ID and scan it which is a process. Trust me.
3) So cold. No matter the time of year, it doesn’t matter. Grocery stores are ALWAYS freezing. But really, the most horrible time of the year to shop at the grocery store is summer. You’d think it would be a welcome release from the sweltering summer heat but no! It’s so cold and you’re dressed in shorts or a cute sun dress and walking through that store is pure torture. I usually always make it my goal to make my trips to the grocery store as short as possible, especially in the summer, but it’s nearly impossible when Mr. Mondoo tags along…
4) Going grocery shopping with Mr. Mondoo. OK, I know, most housewives would probably kill to have their husband’s tag along to the grocery store but honestly, Mr. Mondoo and his shopping habits are aggravating. You see, Mr. Mondoo is cheap frugal. He loves looking for things on sale, especially the Manager Special meats (NOTE: Manager Special does not mean that the manager has picked out a special cut of meat just for you. Manager Special means if you don’t get this home and either use it or freeze it immediately, it’s going to spoil in a day. It also means, eat at your own risk). I appreciate the two dollars that he’s saving me and all but c’mon. Let’s get in and out of the grocery store so that we can do something fun. Like eat the food that we just bought.
5) Bagging my own groceries. You’d think that an eight-month pregnant woman furiously loading her own groceries would signal for the baggers to stop picking their noses and/or butts and help a sista out but no. At least when I’m forced to pack my own groceries, I can control how many groceries go in each of my bags. I swear, baggers think it’s a contest to see how many items they can cram into the least number of bags possible. Attention baggers of the world: I have six reusable bags. Please use them all. If you overload them, it makes it nearly impossible for me, pregnant or not, to load them into my car and then carry them into my house.