Oh hey! Remember me? I used to write a blog and then I got really pregnant and apparently developed an even more severe case of baby brain (for more on baby brain, see below) and didn’t post at all this week? So, what better week to actually write a Love/Hate post… no wait… I mean, what better week to write about how much I love and hate being pregnant. Oh and guess what? I don’t really hate being pregnant. I’m very blessed and thankful to have had such a wonderful pregnancy and I’m so looking forward to meeting my daughter sometime within the next four weeks. But cereally, I’m not one of those women who just LOVES being pregnant. It has its magical moments but it’s not completely magical, trust me, or rather, just read.
1) Baby kicks. Remember when I said pregnancy has its magical moments? Me neither. Baby brain. But yes, baby kicks are magical. Super creepy, yes. I mean, there is a certain creep-factor to a living thing moving inside of you, all Alien-style. BUT, really, feeling your baby grow and move inside of you is a powerful thing. The kicks don’t bother me either, even at night when I’m trying to get some sleep because I know if she’s moving, she’s happy and healthy and just trying to get comfortable. Sorry things are so cramped in there, Baby. But honestly, you’re not making things too comfortable for me either so we’ll just both have to deal for a few more weeks.
2) Presents. Ok, the presents aren’t really for me. But they come addressed to me. And I get to open them. So, they’re kinda like presents for me. I love presents. I also love that so many people bought/are still buying (Thanks Grandmas and Aunts!) Baby clothes that I will never have to buy her clothes, like, ever. Mr. Mondoo, now, he actually buys ME presents. And they are all edible. He’s the best. I’ve mentioned the Valentine’s Day potato chips, but since he has also treated me to a bag of Spicy Sweet Chili Doritos and chocolate covered strawberries. I’m totally in love with that man.
3) Things get bigger. I’ve never been well-endowed in the chest area. Buttocks, oh yes, but unfortunately, no chesticles to speak of. Without being too graphic, let me illustrate my flat-chestedness by relating a traumatic story from my middle school years. In seventh grade, the high school musical needed youngin’s to portray the little boys band in their production of The Music Man. I, along with my trumpet (yes, I played the trumpet) tried out and I made it! SCORE! Little ol’ me in the high school musical! I was so jazzed. Until a mean boy in Band told me that the only reason I was chosen was because I was so flat-chested and could easily portray a boy as long as I was wearing a hat. Well, mean band boy, I have boobs now, sucka! I hope they decide to stick around.
4) The food. I love the cravings. I love eating what I want. I love that being pregnant gives me an excuse to eat all day long. If you love food, get pregnant, I’m telling you. One thing that disappointed me (and Mr. Mondoo) was my lack of crazy cravings. Sure, I have cravings but they are all things that I liked to eat prior to the pregnancy. Now I just can’t get enough of them. Some examples: fruit, veggies, pickles, French fries (with TONS of ketchup), Asian food, donuts, ice cream, to name a few. At least I’m not one of those crazy pregnant women who crave things like dirt or soap.
5) Oh yeah, Baby! How can I talk about being pregnant and not talk about Baby?! In four (or less!) weeks, I will have a daughter. And she will be adorable. Mr. Mondoo and I have already fallen in love with her. I can’t even imagine what it will be like to actually meet her! But really, if you asked me the thing that I loved MOST about being pregnant, it’s that at the end, after all the pain, discomfort, and everything listed below, I get the best present of all. Baby, in the flesh.
1) Things are uncomfortable. Sitting, standing, the process of going from sitting to standing and vice versa, bending over (is it even possible anymore?!), rolling over in bed, sleeping, carrying… anything, things are uncomfortable. “Weebles may wobble but they don’t fall down.” I don’t think the same is true with pregnant ladies.
2) Moms. Aside from my girl Kristina (Holla!) and my two, young mom cousins (who all are realistic yet positive and really encouraging), encountering other moms while you’re pregnant is the absolute worst. First of all, they love to tell you their (or others) horrible birthing stories. Oh yes, that’s exactly what I want to hear, how horrible labor will be. That’s helpful. As if TV and the movies haven’t done a good enough job scaring me. Second, they also love to tell you how horrible motherhood is—the lack of sleep, the million wardrobe changes you need to make daily (for both you and baby), the crying, how I’ll want to turn her over to her dad the moment he walks in the door, the lack of time with your spouse, etc.—you name it. No matter how excited or happy you are about impending motherhood, they love nothing more than bringing you down, Debbie Downer-style. Well, the jig is up, Moms! The instructor at my childbirth class said that Moms love to do this because Moms are the ultimate martyr. Their labor was horrible, raising their children was horrible, and no matter your experience, theirs will always trump yours. They call it pride, I call it mean. Keep it to yourself, Debbie.
3) Things get bigger. Yeah, my boobs are bigger but so is my ass. And that was big to begin with. Pregnancy FAIL. I know what you’re thinking: “Mondoo, if you’re concerned about getting bigger, maybe you shouldn’t eat so many donuts or Doritos.” Who are you? My doctor who hates carbs? Well, to date, I’ve only gained 28 pounds. That’s not too bad and actually completely normal and healthy (you hear that, Doc?!) Unfortunately, aside from my giant baby belly, the other pounds have decided to reside on my ass.
4) Seeing other pregnant women. Man, there are so many pregnant women out there and each time I see one, I get upset. Why, you ask? Well, first of all, I’m selfish. As far as I’m concerned, I’m the only woman in the world who has been pregnant. This condition is special only to me. But when I see another pregnant woman, it reminds me that I’m not special. No. Hahaha. But really, the reason that I hate seeing pregnant ladies out and about is that it constantly reminds me that May is a big delivery month and space will be limited at the Women’s and Children’s Hospital at which I’ll be delivering. That means that I’m destined to share a room with someone. I’m a millennial. We don’t like to share.
5) Baby brain. Baby brain affects me so much that I almost forgot to include it in this list. I’m serious. AHHH! I used to be so on-the-ball with things and now I’m lucky if I can see a project through to the end. But then again, Baby is an awesome excuse not to do things that I don’t want to do. Clean the house? Pregnant, too tired. Travel home for Easter? Too much for the pregnant lady. Leave a boring community event? Pregnant, been on my feet too long. Write this blog? Pregnant, baby brain. Oh wait, that last one is true, I swear!