Tag Archives: circus

In the Center of the Ring…

26 Apr

Just like a circus!  Yes, that’s right, Mondoo and friends (Vitamin G included!) went to the circus this past weekend.  Jealous?  You should be!  I saw elephants, tigers, zebras, horses, doggies that did all sorts of tricks, and lots of people in spandex.

Aside from thinking about how fun it will be to take Baby to the circus someday, I couldn’t help but think about one of my favorite childhood television events:  Circus of the Stars.  Anyone out there that still follows my dwindling blog remember this show?  OMG, I loved it!  CBS plucked celebrities from many different genres, assigned them a circus act, they practiced, and then performed for the circus audience.  Notable (at least to me) celebrity appearances:  Kristen Alfonso (Hope from Days of Our Lives), Jennie Garth of Beverly Hills 90210-fame, Hulk Hogan (that’s right, Big Beefer!), Mario Lopez (we all know that he looks good in spandex, hello Spandex Twins!), Weird Al Yankovic, and various cast members from Just the Ten of Us (another late 80s/early 90s favorite of young Mondoo).

At first, I thought it might be fun to develop the ideal Circus of the Stars cast but then I got to thinking about today’s “celebrities” (I use quotation marks because most of today’s celebrities aren’t celebrities at all) and decided it would be more fun to develop a list of “celebrities” who I would like to see eaten by tigers.   Oh there were so many!  But I’ve ridiculed so many celebrities on this blog since its inception that I decided to explore some new faces to mock

Circus Tiger Menu:

Nicole Scherzinger

So until recently, Nicole Scherzinger to me was just some moderately talented pop singer who served as the face of the Pussycat Dolls.  And then I started watching this season of Dancing with the Stars and I developed an intolerance for her cheesy personality, her garish facial expressions, and THE FACT THAT SHE IS TOTALLY CHEATING!  How do you put a dancer/pop singer in a ballroom dancing competition and expect it to be fair?  It’s not fair!  SHE’S A DANCER!  Cheater, cheater, pumpkin eater, Nicole.  I hope that you get voted off because bitter housewives like me watch the show and hate you.

Jillian Michaels

Oh Jillian Michaels, the villainess of The Biggest Loser… the tigers might even be afraid of you.  You are evil.  I dunno about the rest of you but having someone scream in my face and demanding that I puke or cry doesn’t really inspire me to work hard and lose weight.  And why does this woman insist that everyone has some deep emotional issue that causes them to be obese.  Maybe they just like food.  I do.  That’s why I eat.  Food is amazing.  I don’t eat because I’m sad, alone, or can’t think of blog topics.  I eat because I love food.  Why is that so hard to believe?  At least we don’t have to worry about her procreating a demon spawn.  Thank all of the Gods for that.

The people on Pretty Wild

Ok, I’ll be honest.  I’ve never actually watched this show.  I just see the beginning minutes as a search for a new show after Kendra airs and occasionally see clips of the ridiculousness on The Soup.  But this post on Gawker gives you a pretty good rundown about what makes it so horrible.  As far as why these people have a show and what makes them “famous,” I’m still trying to figure it out.  The only one that I’m remotely familiar with is the middle child who was part of a celebrity burglary ring.  That’s right.  Her plan to get famous:  steal stuff from celebrities.  Well, apparently it worked because she has a reality show on E!.  Honestly, the people that we really need to feed to the tigers are the creators of this show.  E!, you are one more ridiculous reality show away from being VH1, I’d watch out if I were you.

Baby Daddys on 16 and Pregnant

Ok, so I guess I watch a lot of reality shows but 16 and Pregnant is just one train wreck that I cannot stop myself from watching.  I think it has something to do with being pregnant.  Although excited, I’m pretty nervous about the idea of being Mommy Mondoo and caring for a child but then I watch this show and if these immature young women can do it, then surely I can.  But wow, these Baby Daddys.  They are something.  From fighting with the baby momma while she’s in labor, to leaving the labor room to get some Chinese food, to calling your baby momma a fat, stretch-marked bitch and asking where to sign the papers over for your mistake, well, let’s just say, some classy dudes.  It’s bad enough that most of them don’t physically or financially care for their children but then they have to ridicule the young moms?  Granted, some of the moms are clueless and keep taking these deadbeats back.  Hopefully Dr. Drew can talk some sense into them at the reunion show. And hopefully tigers love the taste of whiney, immature Baby Daddys because there is apparently a surplus out there according to this MTV show.  Enjoy, tigers!


Oh wow, did you see this thing on SNL?

Eek.  Someone needs to tell this poor man’s Lady Gaga that she blows, big time.  She’s tone deaf and obviously trying too hard with her wardrobe.  Nothing bothers me more when people try too hard to be unique with their outfits and really it just comes off as stupid rather than avant garde.  (I learned that term from Project Runway.  I think it means:  this would look really stupid on normal people but on models or celebrities, it works).  And honestly, if I hear “Tik Tok” one more time on the radio, I’m throwing myself at the mercy of the circus tigers.  Oh and don’t even get me started on the dollar sign.  Ke$ha $uck$.


Bears on Ice

2 Nov


Last week an ice skating Russian circus bear ate his trainer during a rehearsal for “Bears on Ice.”  Here’s an idea Russia, stay away from bears.  Remember last year when bears besieged a platinum mine and ate two miners?  Yeah, and then the rest of the miners refused to go back to work because BEARS ATE THEIR FRIENDS?  That was tragic but it offered a lesson to be learned, which apparently wasn’t learned at all.  And that lesson is do not mess around with bears, Russia.  I’m not sure if it’s because Russia’s bears are tired of being the symbol of the nation with so little accompanying gratitude, or if I’m just used to our bears who innocuously (and rather cutely) munch on honey and snatch pic-a-nic baskets.   I suppose those Alaskan bears did eat the Grizzly Man, but they probably came over from Russia.  Anyhow, Russian bears are not to be trifled with and they are letting the world know one mauling at a time.

Why is Russia training bears to ice skate anyway?  That just screams bad idea.  I love a good circus, but the kind where people are doing tricks and animals are doing animal things, the extent of their stunts being standing up on their hind legs and not eating any humans.  I’m fairly certain if we started making circus lions and elephants tap dance or play piano they wouldn’t stand much longer for being dressed up in sequins and paraded about all the time.

Is Russia is so advanced in circusry that they have to push the envelope and training bears is their way of taking it to the next level in the realm of global competition?  First Sputnik, then the Supercomputer, and now ice skating bears.  In that case, well done Russia, you’ve hit the target.  Teaching bears to ice skate and tightrope walk truly is the future of both ice skating and bears.  We really can’t compare this time.  We’ll just back away slowly and shamefully back to the US where we teach people to ice skate and avoid bears like the outdated jokers we are.

Running Away With the Circus

9 Oct

I just finished the book Water for Elephants, which is about a circus in the 1930s. I’ve always been enamored with the circus, especially the old timey circus, so this book really had me absorbed—traveling on a dirty train car with animals and tents and candy. My friend got me a book about famous sideshow acts once, so I’m well versed in subjects like Lobster Boy and Eng and Chang the notorious Siamese twins. I’ve also seen the movie Freaks. Freaks was made in the early thirties and it starred a lot of the popular sideshow performers of the time. It’s about a circus, obviously, and it is thoroughly traumatizing. Especially when the sideshow acts are slithering toward the trapeze lady in the dark trying to kill her. The Human Caterpillar with the knife in his mouth was a particularly nightmare-inducing image for me.

I doubt working on, or running away with, a circus these days is anything like it used to be. Is there a circus union? There are still trains, I know that. And I know that because in high school we had to write reports on what we wanted to be when we grew up and actually interview people with that job and my best friend chose circus performer. It turned out to be a big conflict because the teacher claimed she wasn’t taking the project seriously and she couldn’t choose circus performer because she couldn’t get around the “interview a real person with this job” requirement. Well, lucky for my friend the circus was in town, and she interviewed those performers and enlightened us all. And the teacher got what she deserved for making a bunch of 16 year olds write about jobs they wanted. The other jobs I remember that people wrote on were lighthouse keeper, taxidermist, guy who clears birds off plane runways, and florist. Florist was mine, under protest. I had originally chosen pirate, but the teacher had the same problem with mine that she did with circus performer. But if I didn’t go and find myself a real pirate! His name was Bananas and he lived on a boat in the Caribbean and we had arrangements to conduct the interview over the phone at a port. And wouldn’t you know, the teacher still wouldn’t let me use it.