Tag Archives: Dancing with the Stars

In the Center of the Ring…

26 Apr

Just like a circus!  Yes, that’s right, Mondoo and friends (Vitamin G included!) went to the circus this past weekend.  Jealous?  You should be!  I saw elephants, tigers, zebras, horses, doggies that did all sorts of tricks, and lots of people in spandex.

Aside from thinking about how fun it will be to take Baby to the circus someday, I couldn’t help but think about one of my favorite childhood television events:  Circus of the Stars.  Anyone out there that still follows my dwindling blog remember this show?  OMG, I loved it!  CBS plucked celebrities from many different genres, assigned them a circus act, they practiced, and then performed for the circus audience.  Notable (at least to me) celebrity appearances:  Kristen Alfonso (Hope from Days of Our Lives), Jennie Garth of Beverly Hills 90210-fame, Hulk Hogan (that’s right, Big Beefer!), Mario Lopez (we all know that he looks good in spandex, hello Spandex Twins!), Weird Al Yankovic, and various cast members from Just the Ten of Us (another late 80s/early 90s favorite of young Mondoo).

At first, I thought it might be fun to develop the ideal Circus of the Stars cast but then I got to thinking about today’s “celebrities” (I use quotation marks because most of today’s celebrities aren’t celebrities at all) and decided it would be more fun to develop a list of “celebrities” who I would like to see eaten by tigers.   Oh there were so many!  But I’ve ridiculed so many celebrities on this blog since its inception that I decided to explore some new faces to mock

Circus Tiger Menu:

Nicole Scherzinger

So until recently, Nicole Scherzinger to me was just some moderately talented pop singer who served as the face of the Pussycat Dolls.  And then I started watching this season of Dancing with the Stars and I developed an intolerance for her cheesy personality, her garish facial expressions, and THE FACT THAT SHE IS TOTALLY CHEATING!  How do you put a dancer/pop singer in a ballroom dancing competition and expect it to be fair?  It’s not fair!  SHE’S A DANCER!  Cheater, cheater, pumpkin eater, Nicole.  I hope that you get voted off because bitter housewives like me watch the show and hate you.

Jillian Michaels

Oh Jillian Michaels, the villainess of The Biggest Loser… the tigers might even be afraid of you.  You are evil.  I dunno about the rest of you but having someone scream in my face and demanding that I puke or cry doesn’t really inspire me to work hard and lose weight.  And why does this woman insist that everyone has some deep emotional issue that causes them to be obese.  Maybe they just like food.  I do.  That’s why I eat.  Food is amazing.  I don’t eat because I’m sad, alone, or can’t think of blog topics.  I eat because I love food.  Why is that so hard to believe?  At least we don’t have to worry about her procreating a demon spawn.  Thank all of the Gods for that.

The people on Pretty Wild

Ok, I’ll be honest.  I’ve never actually watched this show.  I just see the beginning minutes as a search for a new show after Kendra airs and occasionally see clips of the ridiculousness on The Soup.  But this post on Gawker gives you a pretty good rundown about what makes it so horrible.  As far as why these people have a show and what makes them “famous,” I’m still trying to figure it out.  The only one that I’m remotely familiar with is the middle child who was part of a celebrity burglary ring.  That’s right.  Her plan to get famous:  steal stuff from celebrities.  Well, apparently it worked because she has a reality show on E!.  Honestly, the people that we really need to feed to the tigers are the creators of this show.  E!, you are one more ridiculous reality show away from being VH1, I’d watch out if I were you.

Baby Daddys on 16 and Pregnant

Ok, so I guess I watch a lot of reality shows but 16 and Pregnant is just one train wreck that I cannot stop myself from watching.  I think it has something to do with being pregnant.  Although excited, I’m pretty nervous about the idea of being Mommy Mondoo and caring for a child but then I watch this show and if these immature young women can do it, then surely I can.  But wow, these Baby Daddys.  They are something.  From fighting with the baby momma while she’s in labor, to leaving the labor room to get some Chinese food, to calling your baby momma a fat, stretch-marked bitch and asking where to sign the papers over for your mistake, well, let’s just say, some classy dudes.  It’s bad enough that most of them don’t physically or financially care for their children but then they have to ridicule the young moms?  Granted, some of the moms are clueless and keep taking these deadbeats back.  Hopefully Dr. Drew can talk some sense into them at the reunion show. And hopefully tigers love the taste of whiney, immature Baby Daddys because there is apparently a surplus out there according to this MTV show.  Enjoy, tigers!

Ke$ha

Oh wow, did you see this thing on SNL?

Eek.  Someone needs to tell this poor man’s Lady Gaga that she blows, big time.  She’s tone deaf and obviously trying too hard with her wardrobe.  Nothing bothers me more when people try too hard to be unique with their outfits and really it just comes off as stupid rather than avant garde.  (I learned that term from Project Runway.  I think it means:  this would look really stupid on normal people but on models or celebrities, it works).  And honestly, if I hear “Tik Tok” one more time on the radio, I’m throwing myself at the mercy of the circus tigers.  Oh and don’t even get me started on the dollar sign.  Ke$ha $uck$.

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Dance with Mondoo

4 Mar

So, Dancing with the Stars (DWTS) announced their line-up on Monday night amidst some show called The Bachelor. Would you believe that I’ve never watched The Bachelor?  Doesn’t it seem like that is something that Mondoo would like?  But no!  I’m really only familiar with it via The Soup.  I was surprised though that Vienna girl made it to the finals let alone got proposed to.  Joel McHale is right, she is butt!  Anyways, I have watched a couple seasons of DWTS, mainly to catch up with old 90210 personalities like Kelly and Steve.  But it seems as though the media (or at least my version of the media:  Live with Regis and Kelly, celebrity gossip blogs, and the local radio stations) are all abuzz with the latest DWTS cast.  Well, it just so happens that I need a blog post topic today, so I’m gonna throw my hat in the ring on this one and give my thoughts on the latest cast of DWTS.  I’m also going to let you know who, in my mind, they should have chosen instead.

DWTS Pick: Buzz Aldrin. Each season needs an old person and this season’s old person is a retired astronaut.  Sure, he was the second man to walk on the moon, that’s pretty impressive, but what kind of personality does he have?  I can think of a much more lively old person…

Mondoo’s Pick: Pappap. I know that only a select few 141characters readers actually know our Pappap but trust me, if you did, you’d want to see him on a national television show, too.  I’ve already mentioned in a previous post that he is quite the dandy.  He loves to dress up.  I can certainly imagine that he wouldn’t mind adding some sequins to his suits.  And plus, the man has tons of personality.  He kisses just about every woman that he meets and he loves fart jokes.  A mirror ball trophy winning combination.

DWTS Pick:  Pamela Anderson. I dunno about you but I feel badly for her partner.  He’s sure to catch some venereal disease just from dancing with her.  Man, she’s gross anymore.  Pam, honey, you’re a mother and 42 years old.  Quit taking off your clothes.  It should be interesting to see how they keep her “assets” from falling out of her flashy dance outfits.

Mondoo’s Pick:  Reba. You all know how much I love Reba (the person and the sitcom).  Pamela Anderson could learn a lesson from Reba on how to look sexy and act sassy while in your 40s.

DWTS Pick:  Erin Andrews. I guess Erin is OK.  A lot of guys out there think that she’s really hot because she is pretty AND she knows a lot about football.  Fair enough, I suppose.  One thing I know for sure is that she’s not as fun and perky as my pick…

Mondoo’s Pick:  Kelly Ripa. C’mon, if you’re going to choose a female host/reporter-type, you need to go with Kelly Ripa.  That woman is adorable!  She’s so tiny I could fit her in my purse.  She loves all things about celebrities and entertainment.  AND she’s married to that hottie Mark Consuelos.  If Mark’s not careful, he could end up on my Five.  Growl!

DWTS Pick:  Chad Ochocino. Yes, you read that correctly.  This guy’s last name is a number… in Spanish.  He legally changed it just to be a douche.  I don’t really know anyone who likes this guy so I’m guessing that he may be the first to go.  It makes sense though that he’s competing in DWTS.  He’s certainly not winning anything playing for the Cincinnati Bengals.  Ooooo, burn!

Mondoo’s Pick:  Hines Ward. If you’re going to go with a wide receiver, you gotta go with Pittsburgh Steeler Hines Ward.  First of all, he’s a Steeler.  Second of all, he’s ALWAYS smiling!  I don’t think that I’ve ever seen someone who smiles so much.  In a world (and league) filled with Chad Ochocinos, it’s refreshing to have Ward’s smile to count on.

DWTS Pick:  Shannen Doherty. While I approve of this pick on the basis of 90210 fandom, there’s one thing about Shannen that I just don’t like.  She is so mean!  I can’t imagine that anyone besides her mom is excited to see her on this show.  She may give Chad Ochocino a run for his money with being the first to be kicked off.

Mondoo’s Pick:  Tiffani Thiessen. Aaron Spelling replaced Shannen Doherty with Tiffani Thiessen so I am too.  She still fills the 90210 place on DWTS (having appeared as Valerie Malone for many seasons) but more importantly, she is a Saved by the Bell alum!  To be honest, what TV really needs is more Saved By the Bell.  Like new episodes.  How fun would that be?!  I know mrs. zack morris can get behind this idea.  Am I right?

DWTS Pick:  Evan Lysacek. Who didn’t see this one coming?  After winning the gold medal at the recent Vancouver games, Evan proclaimed that he would just love to be on DWTS.  Well, duh, they’d be idiots to pass up this guy.  He also fills the requisite Olympian role.  But if you ask me, it’s kinda like cheating to have Evan on DWTS.  I mean, the man essentially dances on ice skates for a living.  He, of course, is going to be amazing at ballroom dancing.  SHENANIGANS on this pick, DWTS!

Mondoo’s PickShannon Bahrke. She’s my favorite Olympian, hands down.  With her pink, streaky hair, she’s pretty much the most adorable Olympian ever.  She gives Hines Ward a run for his money with her constant smiling and perkiness.  PLUS, she’s engaged to be married to a man with the last name Happe!  Hence, her married name will be Shannon HAPPE.  So cute.

DWTS Pick:  Jake Pavelka. Aside from cross-promoting ABC’s two biggest brands, the only other reason that I can see for Jake’s presence on this seasons DWTS is to cover the hottie spot.  Well I got news for you, Pavelka.  You are not a hottie.  If you want a hottie on this show, you have to go with one person…

Mondoo’s Pick:  The Rock. Duh.  I bet you thought that I was going to say Mr. Mondoo, didn’t you?  While extremely hot, do you honestly think that I want some skinny ballroom dancer’s paws all over my husband while I gain pound after pound each week for the remainder of my pregnancy?  I should think not!  No, The Rock.  He’ll do for this season’s hottie pick.  Since he’s a movie star now and I don’t get to see him every Monday night with the rest of the wrestlers on Raw, he might as well appear on DWTS in order to give me my Rock fix.

DWTS Pick:  Niecy Nash. I used to love Reno 911! so I don’t mind Ms. Nash.  But do you know what television show I used to love even more?…

Mondoo’s Pick:  John Stamos. FULL HOUSE!  And who wouldn’t love to see Uncle Jesse on the ballroom floor?!  He could also fill the hottie spot on this season.  Maybe he could perform all of his dances to old Jesse and the Rippers songs.

DWTS Pick:  Aiden Turner. Each season needs a soap star and since DWTS is on ABC, it’s ALWAYS going to be a star from an ABC soap.  BORING!  I watch Days on NBC.

Mondoo’s Pick:  Drake Hogestyn.  Drake played one of my all-time favorite characters John Black on Days.  He made a living off of all of his ridiculous faces like this one.   I miss him every day as I watch Days.  That show is really sucking lately.  Like more than soap operas should.

DWTS Pick:  Nicole Scherzinger. Nicole is both the only Pussycat Doll that anyone knows AND the only Pussycat Doll remaining since all of the others are over her and quit.  But, the only doll that I have room for in my life is…

Mondoo’s Pick:  Baby. That’s right.  I’m going to loan my daughter to DWTS.  Not so she can compete for the mirror ball trophy but so that she can learn how to dance and appropriately entertain Mommy and Daddy.  My one dream for Baby is that she is a happy, healthy, giggly little girl who dances around in her diaper.  I can think of nothing more adorable (even more adorable than Kelly Ripa and Shannon Bahrke).  Plus, if she’s on the show, I get to sit in the front row and be all proud.  And be on TV, of course.  Someone is sure to start paying me to write this blog then!

DWTS Pick:  Kate Gosselin. Oh lord.  I thought that we were free from the Gosselins once TLC ended their show and those two losers finally got the divorce that we all saw coming five years ago.  But no!  ABC is subjecting us to more of Kate Gosselin.  Ugh.  This woman seriously needs to stop trying to be famous, get a real job, and start spending time with her eight children.  Yeah yeah, I hear ya, Kate.  You need to “support your family.”  Honey, if you have enough money in the bank to send all eight of your kids to college, then you’re doing better than most parents in this world and have enough money to support them financially.  Seriously, this woman is enough to make me not watch this season.  So.  Over.  Her.

141characters Pick: ???? Anyone is better than Kate Gosselin so I offer up this last slot to all of my loyal 141characters readers.  Who would YOU like to see on DWTS?