Tag Archives: job interviews

Wanted: Co-Blogger

19 Jan

I’m sure that you’ve all seen the latest news, Vitamin G has stepped down from her post as my co-blogger.  A sad day for 141characters indeed!  We’ll miss her and her witty thoughts about food, festivals, and zombies.  I gladly invite her back to guest post from time to time!  I’ll miss you, Vitamin G!   Mainly because this means that I have to come up with more blog posts.  Eek.  I suppose that I could look for a new co-blogger.  Hmmm.  Let’s see what some of my major requirements would be:

Must love food and hating on celebrities. I mean, what else would you write about?

Must hate vampires. Vitamin G wholeheartedly disagreed and it made things uncomfortable.

Must be a good writer. See any of Vitamin G’s posts for proper 141characters writing style.

Must be funny, but not funnier than me. Vitamin G was really clever but I’d like a new co-blogger to not be funnier than me, I want to be the outright funny one this time.  Selfish?  I don’t care.  It’s my blog now, suckas!

Must also be unemployed. Blogging is easier when you’re unemployed.  I think that’s where Vitamin G went wrong.

Interested in applying? Please send a writing sample that I may or may not steal from you and use as a future post.  It all depends on how funny it is.  I will then schedule an interview with you over a meal or ice cream.  You must pay.

On second thought, as much as I’d love the free ice cream, I’ll just stick to blogging by myself.  I will gladly take suggestions on future or recurring posts though!  Let me know what you want to see on 141characters and I’ll do my best to cover it.

Farewell, Vitamin G!

Just Another Wednesday Night

1 Oct

Last night I went out with a friend for a couple of harmless drinks and dinner.  We ended up staying at the bar longer than we intended, having met up with other friends, and by the time we left for dinner our only option for food was another bar.  This was kind of my plan all along, because this other bar has a really impressive hamburger, the likes of which I was unable to finish the last time I was there—a day I’ve been ruing for a while now.  At the second bar, we sat down for dinner, and the waitress came up to our table and asked what kind of shot we were having.  It being 10:30 on a Wednesday night and us being responsible workingwomen, we declined politely.  She insisted though, and as it was, a rather large man sitting at a table adjacent to us with another woman had bought the three of us (me, friend, waitress) drinks.  In that case, I accepted because I thought it would be rude not to.  I’ve never been inclined to send someone a drink in a bar, but I’ve always thought it’s a classy move.  We blushingly drank our complimentary drinks after the waitress made one of the more vulgar toasts I’ve heard.  Then I introduced us to the couple at the table, thanked the man for the drink (who’s name was something like Cornelius, no joke, and he was drinking a glass of wine at this seedy bar), and went back to the barbecue cheese fries, as one does.  Friend and I laughed about it over dinner, but replaying this scenario in my head as I write this, I realize it could not have been more clear what was going on had Cornelius been wearing a purple suit and carrying a cane.  Naturally, I’m slightly embarrassed about accepting a drink from this man and his, … , friend?, but I’m also curious as to his motivation.  If I were a pimp I wouldn’t waste my time and money buying drinks for nicely-dressed, relatively sober women on a Wednesday night.  I don’t know a lot about the business, but I would think the money would be in, well, men for starters, and then definitely in more discreet and subtle approaches.  Again, I don’t know much about it so maybe he had a plan.  But his plan was surely thwarted when we indiscreetly inhaled that huge quantity of food and abruptly left to go home to bed.

Anthony Bourdain, Take Me With You

23 Sep

Dear Anthony Bourdain,

 Please take me with you on your travels.  I have outlined below the reasons why I would make an excellent travel/travel show companion.

  •  Qualifications               

☞  Have been offered many a camel for hand in marriage in third world countries, likely raising social status of travel companions

☞  Willing to try street food first for safety

☞  Always equipped with snacks and magazines on long flights

☞  Occupy minimal space in tuk-tuk

  • Skills

☞  Competent International Designated Driver: Can drive stick shift American-style and with left hand on left side of road

☞  Invincibility: Suffered various ailments in remote corners of world, likely giving rise to accumulated immunity

☞  Global Communications: Able to converse on advanced level using hand gestures

☞  Witty Commentary: Will provide lively and wry remarks with respect to people, places, history, food, current events, monuments, natural resources, native culture, and customs

  • Repertoire of Meats Eaten

☞  Includes: alligator, crocodile, kangaroo, ostrich, emu, buffalo, deer, frog, elk, rattlesnake, goat, snail

Thank you for your time and consideration, I look forward to hearing from you soon.

The cleanest balls in West Virginia

15 Sep

Vitamin G, I’d like to add another job to your list.

In my quest to escape unemployment, I applied for a few jobs outside of the higher education field.  One interview was quite memorable.

A local performing arts center/museum listed a job posting for a “Gallery Educator” position.  As per the job description, the position required a Bachelor degree in Art, Education, English, or a related field.  I have one of those!  Plus a Master in Education!  And I still didn’t have a job!  So I applied.

Much to my excitement, I received an invitation to interview for the position.  I showed up to the center dressed in my snazzy black interview suit, checked in with the information desk, and waited patiently for the interviewer to greet me.  Just then, West Virginia’s version of Ms. Frizzle walked through the door ­—imagine long black frizzy hair with bangs, thick, red-rimmed glasses, a black smock, cargo pants, Vans, and dozens of hemp bracelets running up and down her arms.  And to top it off, her name was totally made up.  I don’t want to share her actual name and reveal Ms. Frizzle’s alias, but just make up a name and you’ll get the idea (examples to get your mind moving:  Shitis Bananas, Cheesein Crackers, Fatty McButters).

Ms. Frizzle sticks out her hand, grabs mine, shakes it violently, and smiles with the biggest smile I’ve ever seen.  “LOOK AT YOU!  All dressed up!”

“Thanks!  I do my best,” I reply while internally thinking, “Um, this is an interview, right?  You’re supposed to wear suits to interviews, lady.”

We proceed through the center, passing by a corridor that led to the offices of the state’s symphony orchestra.  We reached Ms. Frizzle’s office, a cubicle in a large room with many other cubicles with crazy, random stuff ALL OVER the place.  And when I say crazy, random stuff, I mean lizards and snakes in glass tanks, photos of sideshow freaks, paper flowers, newspaper clippings, brightly colored mobiles, bumper stickers; you name it, it was hanging on the wall, ceiling, or someone’s cubicle.  Ms. Frizzle was sure to proudly point out the artsy clutter and I responded with a lame joke “Yeah, I’m sure that your office looks a lot different than the symphony’s.”

Ms. Frizzle cackled endlessly and then finally declared “You’re so funny!”  Wow, I’m all dressed up AND hilarious, I’ve got this interview in the bag.  She then asked me the first (and what would turn out to be the last) question of the interview with a toothy smile, “Tell me about you and why you’d like to work here.  You are quite overqualified!”

From this point on, she detailed the Gallery Educator position—developing educational exhibits, performing science demonstrations, interacting with patrons.  Sure, the job sounded pretty much like the job described on the website, but it was oh so much more.  Ms. Frizzle went on to explain that a Gallery Educator’s work week begins on Wednesday and lasts through Saturday, 9pm-6pm.  “The museum is open on the weekends so no weekends off,” she lamented.  But I did learn that if after working there for six months, you’d like to request ONE weekend day off, it MAY be considered.  Phew, what a relief!

And then Ms. Frizzle got very serious as she explained that every two weeks, gallery educators perform one of the most important tasks within the museum; it’s so important, that these employees must stay two to three hours past closing to perform it.  Gallery educators must clean the ball pit.  Yes, ball pits that you’ve seen at amusement parks and McDonald’s and the same ball pits that kids defecate in, one of the responsibilities of this Bachelor degree required position is to clean this plastic cesspool every two weeks to ensure that it is in fact the cleanest ball pit in West Virginia.  To make matters worse, Ms. Frizzle was also sure to point out the compensation for this position—$7.50/hour.

The interview was concluded by offering me a free pass to the museum and an exclamation by Ms. Frizzle, “You are just lovely!  We will be calling you for a second interview soon!”  (Oh goodie! I screamed inside thinking of a tactful way to decline the upcoming second interview).

But, you know, the most “kick in the face” aspect of this job interview wasn’t the fact that this position required me to work weekends or clean the ball pit, or even that it paid a measly $7.50/hour.   After being impressed with my attire, my experiences that deem me “quite overqualified,” my sense of humor, and being assured that I would receive a second interview, those hippie bastards never even called me back.